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Band 5.5

Today, TV channels show more men’s sports than women’s sports. Why is this the case? Should TV channels give equal time for women’s sport and men’s sport?

#tv #channels #show #men’s #sports #women’s #case #time #sport
Today, TV programs often broadcast more
men
’s sporting events than
women
’s. In my opinion, I believe that the main reason for
this
 is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 lot of benefits that
this
 matter brings and there should be more effort in balancing the showtime of
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 programs. The biggest concern of program producers is viewership,
while
 the majority of
sports
 viewers are
men
.
Therefore
, the station needs to provide
men
’s
sports
 shows because it is more popular and popular with
men
. A large audience can bring a lot of economic benefits,
in other
words
Add the comma(s)
words,
show examples
 it ensures views and profits for the station.
In addition
,
it is clear that
men
 often outperform
women
 in physical activities.
For example
, they participate in
sports
 at a higher intensity in most subjects
such
 as boxing or bodybuilding which give viewers a sense of the feeling is more exciting and interesting. So, it is understandable that television stations spend more
time
 on
men
's
sports
 programs.
However
, we now live in a modern world where there is no gender discrimination and
men
 and
women
 are equal, so it is necessary to balance the
time
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 male and female
sports
. If
this
 is done, it creates gender equality and encourages more
women
 to participate in
sports
.
Women
 put in as much effort as
men
 in competitions, so they should
also
 receive the recognition they deserve by equalizing broadcast
time
.
Besides
, appearing on television means that the image of female athletes becomes popular with the public. From that,
women
 have the opportunity to participate in advertising contracts and become brand representatives, which can increase their income. In conclusion, regardless of gender, female genders have the skills and competence to demonstrate their talent. For these reasons, there is the consideration that giving
women
sports
 more publicity can help to alter public perception over
time
 and bring financial benefits.
Submitted by vuongquynh2006 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion score, focus on creating more logical connections between your ideas. This includes using a wider range of linking words and phrases to ensure a smoother flow from one argument to the next.
Coherence & Cohesion
Strengthen your introduction and conclusion by clearly stating your thesis and summarizing your main points. This helps to encapsulate what the essay is about and what conclusions can be drawn.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with more concrete examples and specific details. This will add depth to your arguments and increase the persuasiveness of your essay.
Task Achievement
Ensure that each paragraph fully addresses the prompts provided by the task. Expand on your ideas to demonstrate a complete understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
You should develop your ideas more comprehensively. While you have touched on important aspects of the topic, giving more detailed explanations and a wider variety of ideas can enrich your essay.
Task Achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to substantiate your points. Examples help to illustrate your ideas, making them more tangible and convincing to readers.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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