IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

With increasing populations and ever growing urban centers, many countries are losing their natural beauty spots. What benefits are there to protecting places of natural beauty? How can this be solved?

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Cities across the world are allocating green
spaces
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 to provide more zones for business towers.
as a result
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 of the growing number of citizens.
Firstly
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, I will explain the importance of green
spaces
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 for the metropolis in terms of environmental health.
Secondly
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, I will find a solution to the problem. Green
spaces
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, popularly known as urban parks have an important role in ensuring cities are still habitable for the people. It must be remembered that the trees’ function for humans is as a
water
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 station.
Consequently
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, green
spaces
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, which consist of many trees, could potentially serve as
water
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 absorption
spaces
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 that can reduce the flood rate.
However
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, some citizens believe there are other ways to reduce the flood rate
such
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 as an artificial river.
On the other hand
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, Indonesian urban experts
also
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 debunk that argument as not only urban cities could be
water
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 retention
spaces
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, but they
also
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 could be air pollution filters. Research on the effect of green
spaces
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 on urban areas in 2012, stated that green
spaces
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 can reduce up to 50% chance of flooding and 30% chance of air pollution. As has been noted, urban
spaces
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 could make the capital more environmentally friendly for its citizens.
While
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 research stated the importance of green
spaces
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, their areas are still being reduced in some metropolises.
This
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 could be solved by enhancing urban planning to be more green-oriented. The first thing to remember is that green
spaces
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 require
spaces
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 to build but not as much as conventional towers.
Therefore
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, it needs some space allocation for them to work.
Additionally
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, the alternative if the
spaces
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 are limited is by incorporating green
spaces
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 in the building.
For example
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, in 2018, a green capital project in Shenzhen, China is combining the forests with the economies' towers. Experts state that the city is 80% more healthy than the average and the green
spaces
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 could
also
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 be the source of citizens’
water
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 supplies. In the long run,
this
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 capital has an independent source of
water
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 supplies, increasing its lifetime. Given these points, enhancing the urban blueprint to be more environmentally health-oriented should increase the percentage of green
spaces
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 in business districts. In general, the benefit of utilizing green
spaces
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 in some capital is making them more healthy for the population. One way to increase urban forest areas in the city is by integrating them into city planning.

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coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, make sure to maintain consistency in terminology, such as using 'metropolises' and 'urban areas' interchangeably. This can help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, focus on presenting more specific details or statistics to support arguments. For instance, discussing the specific environmental impact or economic benefits of green spaces in more depth could have strengthened your arguments further.
task achievement
The essay effectively discusses both the importance of green spaces and potential solutions, demonstrating a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples, such as the Shenzhen project, adds credibility to your arguments and makes the essay more engaging.
coherence and cohesion
The text is well-organized, with a clear flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next, facilitating readability.
coherence and cohesion
The essay provides a satisfying conclusion that summarizes the central arguments and restates the importance of the topic.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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