In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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Different views among

cultures

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about advising

children

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to try hard toward

gaining

Verb problem

achieving

show examples

their various

goals

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have been a vital topic of debate.

While

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in some

cultures

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, it is argued that

children

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can achieve their

goals

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by trying hard, I strongly disagree with

this

Linking Words

approach and believe that

children

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can reach their ambitions

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show examples

setting practical

goals

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. First of all, making an effort has brought various benefits for both

children

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and societies, developing advanced communications.

Therefore

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, if

children

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are encouraged by their parents and schools from younger ages, they will inherently become more successful in achieving their

goals

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For instance

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, some intelligent

children

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need encouragement from their environment to set significant

goals

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in life,

such

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as achieving higher education in science and technology, which can play a significant role in improving and advancing societies.

Additionally

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, it is evident that the more effort individuals make

from

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show examples

younger ages, the more success they can achieve in the future.

Conversely

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however

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, in some

cultures

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, parents and schools put countless pressures on

children

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to achieve their

goals

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, leading to harmful consequences,

such

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as less self-esteem and confidence.

In other words

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, these kinds of extra pressures can result in detrimental effects. A prime illustration of

this

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is a boy who finds himself under a lot of pressure to take extracurriculars in science and mathematics at school,

whereas

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he is inherently interested in art disciplines.

As a result

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this

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boy, as a young man, might be raised with a sense of lack of confidence.

Moreover

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, by placing more emphasis on inherent intelligence and natural gifts, it is essential to prevent

children

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from setting unachievable

goals

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for themselves. In conclusion, there are various opinions in different

cultures

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about advising

children

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to exert a lot of effort to become successful.

Although

Linking Words

there are various benefits to

this

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approach, I strongly disagree with

this

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approach and argue that

children

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should set achievable

goals

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in their lives.

mahanzWed Nov 27 2024

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coherence cohesion

Consider strengthening the logical connection between sentences and ideas within paragraphs to enhance readability.

task achievement

Work on including more varied examples to support your arguments thoroughly.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay, providing a strong start and finish.

task achievement

The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced view on the topic.

task achievement

The argument is supported with specific examples that are relevant to the topic discussed.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

315 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

achieve
try hard
positive mindset
self-belief
motivates
ambitious goals
resilience
determination
confidence
self-esteem
growth mindset
unrealistic expectations
disappointment
failure
effort
hard work
seek support
individual differences
abilities
capabilities

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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified. Do you agree or disagree?

Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.