At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
In
current
period, young Add an article
the current
people
’s population number
correlatively majority, compared with the older people
Verb problem
apply
amount
. According to
this
information, although
a minority older
Change preposition
of older
people
account is a disadvantage for a nation, a vast number
of young adults amount
can play a significant role a
Change preposition
in a
country
’s development.
An aged people
may be a blessing for a Fix the agreement mistake
person
country
and for an intellectual individual. When an amount
of older people
come to Correct article usage
the word
word
with significantly low numbers, Correct your spelling
world
so
it might be Correct word choice
apply
disadvantage
for Add an article
a disadvantage
people
. Firstly
, elder people
have been to live their life by gather
interpersonal Change the verb form
gathering
skill
and numerous talents. Fix the agreement mistake
skills
For
this
reason
Add a comma
reason,
a
older Correct article usage
apply
people
know, which way people
have to follow for innovation and a countries
development. Change noun form
country's
For example
, an
aged Correct article usage
apply
people
can involve
in every situation and can overcome Wrong verb form
be involved
from
a bad state.
Change preposition
apply
On the other hand
, a tanager
in a Correct your spelling
manager
country
’s improvement may be cautious, and their proneness to do influential
and effective Add an article
an influential
the influential
task
that will be cooperative for every Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
people
of their country
. Furthermore
, a young adult can consider good or bad circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
due to
their energetic mind and physical health. For example
, a person can be less important for
a Change preposition
in
country
, which
Change preposition
in which
people
don’t have well physical state; consequently
, most of the time a young elder is physically strong, and they
can Correct pronoun usage
apply
create
wise Verb problem
make
decision
. Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
Moreover
, a vast number
young
always will be Change preposition
of young
need
spontaneously for a Wrong verb form
needed
country
.
In conclusion, in current
state of time, older Add an article
the current
people
calculation findings so less, but most of the cases Change noun form
people's
in
cannot pay for Change preposition
apply
us
negative Correct pronoun usage
apply
effect
, which can be significant. Fix the agreement mistake
effects
While
a
young Correct article usage
the
people
amount
will Verb problem
apply
be decrease
that will be Change the verb form
decrease
Correct article usage
a disadvantages
disadvantages
for a nation. Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantage
Compare
with Wrong verb form
Compared
a
Correct article usage
the
number
of aged individuals with a
young adults Correct article usage
apply
number
must be crucial and advantages.Submitted by fihogi2074 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
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Coherence & Cohesion
Although an introduction and conclusion are present, they are not fully developed. Introductions should clearly state the topic and your stance, while conclusions should summarize the main points made and restate the thesis in light of the evidence presented.
Coherence & Cohesion
Main points require further development and support. Use specific examples and explanations to clearly demonstrate how each point supports your argument. Avoid broad statements without concrete evidence.
Task Achievement
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Task Achievement
The ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Strive for clarity by refining your sentence structure and word choice.
Task Achievement
Utilize specific and relevant examples to support your points. Drawing on concrete evidence adds credibility to your argument and makes abstract ideas more tangible for the reader.
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