At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
In
current
period, young Add an article
the current
people
’s population Use synonyms
number
correlatively majority, compared with the older Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
Verb problem
apply
amount
. Use synonyms
According to
Linking Words
this
information, Linking Words
although
a minority Linking Words
older
Change preposition
of older
people
account is a disadvantage for a nation, a vast Use synonyms
number
of young adults Use synonyms
amount
can play a significant roleUse synonyms
a
Change preposition
in a
country
’s development.
An aged Use synonyms
Use synonyms
people
may be a blessing for a Fix the agreement mistake
person
country
and for an intellectual individual. When an Use synonyms
amount
of older Use synonyms
people
come to Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the word
word
with significantly low numbers, Correct your spelling
world
so
it might be Correct word choice
apply
disadvantage
for Add an article
a disadvantage
people
. Use synonyms
Firstly
, elder Linking Words
people
have been to live their life by Use synonyms
gather
interpersonal Change the verb form
gathering
skill
and numerous talents. Fix the agreement mistake
skills
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
Add a comma
reason,
a
older Correct article usage
apply
people
know, which way Use synonyms
people
have to follow for innovation and a Use synonyms
countries
development. Change noun form
country's
For example
, Linking Words
an
aged Correct article usage
apply
people
can Use synonyms
involve
in every situation and can overcome Wrong verb form
be involved
from
a bad state.
Change preposition
apply
On the other hand
, a Linking Words
tanager
in a Correct your spelling
manager
country
’s improvement may be cautious, and their proneness to do Use synonyms
influential
and effective Add an article
an influential
the influential
task
that will be cooperative for every Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
people
of their Use synonyms
country
. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, a young adult can consider good or bad Linking Words
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
due to
their energetic mind and physical health. Linking Words
For example
, a person can be less important Linking Words
for
a Change preposition
in
country
, Use synonyms
which
Change preposition
in which
people
don’t have well physical state; Use synonyms
consequently
, most of the time a young elder is physically strong, and Linking Words
they
can Correct pronoun usage
apply
create
wise Verb problem
make
decision
. Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
Moreover
, a vast Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
young
always will be Change preposition
of young
need
spontaneously for a Wrong verb form
needed
country
.
In conclusion, in Use synonyms
current
state of time, older Add an article
the current
Use synonyms
people
calculation findings so less, but most of the cases Change noun form
people's
in
cannot pay for Change preposition
apply
us
negative Correct pronoun usage
apply
effect
, which can be significant. Fix the agreement mistake
effects
While
Linking Words
a
young Correct article usage
the
people
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
amount
will Verb problem
apply
be decrease
that will be Change the verb form
decrease
Correct article usage
a disadvantages
disadvantages
for a nation. Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantage
Compare
with Wrong verb form
Compared
a
Correct article usage
the
number
of aged individuals with Use synonyms
a
young adults Correct article usage
apply
number
must be crucial and advantages.Use synonyms
Submitted by fihogi2074 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks clear logical structure. Ideas are presented in a chaotic manner without clear paragraphing or progression of thoughts. Use clear paragraphs and transition words to guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Although an introduction and conclusion are present, they are not fully developed. Introductions should clearly state the topic and your stance, while conclusions should summarize the main points made and restate the thesis in light of the evidence presented.
Coherence & Cohesion
Main points require further development and support. Use specific examples and explanations to clearly demonstrate how each point supports your argument. Avoid broad statements without concrete evidence.
Task Achievement
The response partially addresses the task, but there is a need for a clearer position throughout the essay. Ensure that each paragraph advances your argument and contributes to the overall task response.
Task Achievement
The ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Strive for clarity by refining your sentence structure and word choice.
Task Achievement
Utilize specific and relevant examples to support your points. Drawing on concrete evidence adds credibility to your argument and makes abstract ideas more tangible for the reader.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?