IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature of their own country than other countries. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people argue that teaching
children
Use synonyms
 the
literature
Use synonyms
 in their own
country
Use synonyms
 is more essential
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than teaching them foreign
literature
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I partly agree with the statement for many convincing reasons. It is extremely important for teaching
children
Use synonyms
 to learn domestic
literature
Use synonyms
. If many
school
Change to a plural noun
schools
show examples
 teach domestic
literature
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
Use synonyms
, they will learn more about
traditional
Add an article
the traditional
show examples
 and historical heritage of their
country
Use synonyms
. To be specific, domestic
literature
Use synonyms
works
Use synonyms
provide
Add the particle
to provide
show examples
 more insight into
cultural
Add an article
the cultural
show examples
, history, and national identity for
children
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason,
children
Use synonyms
 have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 to understand more the value of the
country
Use synonyms
's history and traditions.
Besides
Linking Words
, learning national literary
works
Use synonyms
 could help develop
children
Use synonyms
's patriotism. Many fairy
tale
Change to a plural noun
tales
show examples
,
folktale
Fix the agreement mistake
folktales
show examples
 or poems could stimulate emotions and patriotism.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 could
motivative
Replace the word
motivate
show examples
 them to participate in social activities and assist
develop
Wrong verb form
in developing
show examples
 the
country
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, the story of Thanh Giong assist
children
Use synonyms
know
Wrong verb form
in knowing
show examples
 more about how their forefather overcame challenges and
sacrifice
Wrong verb form
sacrificed
show examples
 themselves for Vietnam.
That is
Linking Words
 why
children
Use synonyms
 develop a sense of national identity and patriotism.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, learning foreign
literature
Use synonyms
 is equally important.
Because learning
Correct word choice
Learning
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
literature
Use synonyms
 from
other
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 could expand
children
Use synonyms
’s knowledge about
culture
Correct article usage
the culture
show examples
, history and traditions of countries and stimulate creativity in students' thinking from ideas.
This
Linking Words
 could enhance cultural understanding and foster cultural exchange between countries.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, literary study
also
Linking Words
 could provide kids with linguistic knowledge and in-depth knowledge
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
literature
Use synonyms
 in the world. Thanks to studying
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foreign
literature
Use synonyms
 that assist to
give
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 the opportunity to upgrade
Correct pronoun usage
their languages
show examples
languages
Change the noun form
language
show examples
 skills of
children
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, learning domestic or foreign
literature
Use synonyms
 both brings many benefits for
children
Use synonyms
. For these reasons, teaching national
literature
Use synonyms
works
Use synonyms
 is as extremely necessary as teaching foreign
literature
Use synonyms
works
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
Your essay lacks a clear introductory paragraph that presents the topic and the writer's opinion, which is crucial for the reader to understand your stance from the beginning. A properly structured conclusion is also needed to summarize your viewpoint and restate the importance of your argument.
Logical Structure
The logical structure of your essay needs improvement. Ideas should be presented in a clear and logical manner, following a format that easily guides the reader from one point to the next without confusion. Using transition words and phrases can significantly improve the flow of your essay.
Supporting Main Points
The main points are supported, but the support could be strengthened with more specific examples and a deeper analysis of each point. When providing examples, ensure they are directly related to your argument and clearly illustrate your point.
Task Response
You have addressed the task to some degree but there is room for development. Explore the topic further to show a more nuanced understanding of the subject. Greater development of your ideas with clear and specific examples will lead to a higher score.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Your ideas are generally understandable, but they lack clarity and comprehensiveness at times. Strive for precision in your language and ensure that each sentence contributes to the development of your argument.
Relevant & Specific Examples
Use precise and specific examples to support your argument. General statements do not have the same impact as well-crafted examples that are directly relevant to your argument. Each example should be carefully selected and analyzed to demonstrate your point effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Native literature
  • Cultural identity
  • Heritage
  • Traditions
  • National pride
  • Language skills
  • Idiomatic expressions
  • Engagement
  • Relatability
  • Broaden perspectives
  • Cultural awareness
  • Open-mindedness
  • Literary heritage
  • Bias
  • Diverse perspectives
  • Global community
  • Domestic vs. international literature
  • Cultural nuances
  • Sense of belonging
What to do next:
Look at other essays: