IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that the internet has brought people closer together while others think that people and communities are become more isolated. Discuss both sides and give you opinion.

#people #internet #communities
People
 have different views about whether the
internet
's effects are useful or not.
While
 some
people
 think that the
internet
 is useful for
people
's interaction, other
people
 and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
people
 and societies are
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 more isolated. On the
one
 hand, the
internet
 is
one
 of the most
exploration
Replace the word
explored
show examples
 of
XX-XXI
Correct article usage
the XX-XXI
show examples
 centuries. The
internet
 has brought
people
 closer together compared to the past. Since come to the
internet
 in our lives, life is changing
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the good side day by day. The
internet
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
show examples
 send messages from vast distances and share experiences from
one
 country to
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
.
For example
, If
one
 person
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to speak
his
Change preposition
to his
show examples
(or her) family, he(or she)
call
Correct subject-verb agreement
calls
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
internet
 apps, even
he
Correct word choice
if he
show examples
 is
Change preposition
in other
show examples
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 country.
Moreover
, the
internet
 leads
people
 to
fastering
Correct your spelling
fostering
 understanding among individuals from different cultures and backgrounds. In spite of given arguments above,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 still claim that, because of the
internet
people
 and communities are
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 more isolated.
Firstly
, nowadays
people
 are spending more time engaging with screens rather than participating in community and offline interactions.
This
 leads
people
 to
having
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a sense of isolation. Even
while
people
 are standing with their families
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the dinner table, they do not interact with each other,
thus
 families, especially parents are
seperated
Correct your spelling
separated
. It has negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 children.
According to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one
 research, if children squander their time on social media and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
internet
 games with isolation from friends and parents, the danger of
Alsheymer's
Correct your spelling
Alzheimer's
 disease increases
this children
Change the determiner
this child
these children
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
 some
people
 think that the
internet
 has beneficial things,
such
 as
people
 closer together, in my opinion, the
internet
 leads
people
 to isolate each other and community.
Submitted by gulnozajumanazarova2005 on

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