IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒕 π’ƒπ’†π’π’π’˜ 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒓𝑹'𝒔 𝒐𝒇 π’†π’™π’‘π’†π’π’…π’Šπ’•π’–π’“π’†π’” 𝒇𝒐𝒓 π’‡π’Šπ’—π’† π’Žπ’‚π’‹π’π’“ π’„π’‚π’•π’†π’ˆπ’π’“π’Šπ’†π’” π’Šπ’ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 π‘Όπ’π’Šπ’•π’†π’… 𝑺𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒔, π‘ͺ𝒂𝒏𝒂𝒅𝒂, 𝒕𝒉𝒆 π‘Όπ’π’Šπ’•π’†π’… π’Œπ’Šπ’π’ˆπ’…π’π’Ž, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑱𝒂𝒑𝒂𝒏 π’Šπ’ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 π’šπ’†π’‚π’“ πŸπŸŽπŸŽπŸ—

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𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒓 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒕 π’„π’π’Žπ’‘π’‚π’“π’†π’” 𝒕𝒉𝒆 π’‘π’†π’“π’„π’†π’π’•π’‚π’ˆπ’†π’” 𝒐𝒇 π’„π’π’π’”π’–π’Žπ’†π’“π’” π’”π’‘π’†π’π’…π’Šπ’π’ˆ 𝒐𝒏 π’‡π’Šπ’—π’† π’Žπ’‚π’Šπ’ π’Šπ’•π’†π’Žπ’” π’Šπ’ 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒓 π’…π’Šπ’‡π’‡π’†π’“π’†π’π’• π’„π’π’–π’π’•π’“π’Šπ’†π’” π’Šπ’ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 π’šπ’†π’‚π’“ 𝒐𝒇 πŸπŸŽπŸŽπŸ—. 𝑰𝒕 π’Šπ’” 𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 π’‰π’Šπ’ˆπ’‰π’†π’”π’• π’‘π’†π’“π’„π’†π’π’•π’‚π’ˆπ’† 𝒐𝒇 π’„π’π’π’”π’–π’Žπ’†π’“ π’”π’‘π’†π’π’…π’Šπ’π’ˆ 𝒐𝒏 π’‰π’π’–π’”π’Šπ’π’ˆ π’Šπ’ 𝒂𝒍𝒍 π’„π’π’–π’π’•π’“π’š. π‘©π’š 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒔𝒕, 𝒕𝒉𝒆 π’‘π’“π’π’‘π’π’“π’•π’Šπ’π’π’” 𝒐𝒇 π’„π’π’π’”π’–π’Žπ’†π’“ 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒐𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒕𝒉𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 π’„π’π’π’•π’‰π’Šπ’π’ˆ π’Šπ’ π‘ͺ𝒂𝒏𝒂𝒅𝒂, 𝑱𝒂𝒑𝒂𝒏, π’Šπ’ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑼𝑲 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑼𝑺𝑨 π’˜π’‚π’” π’π’π’˜π’†π’”π’• π’Šπ’ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 π’ˆπ’Šπ’—π’†π’ π’šπ’†π’‚π’“. 𝑰𝒏 π’•π’†π’“π’Žπ’” 𝒐𝒇 π’”π’‘π’†π’π’…π’Šπ’π’ˆ, π‘ͺπ’‚π’π’‚π’…π’Šπ’‚π’, 𝑱𝒂𝒑𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒆, 𝑼𝑲'𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑼𝑺𝑨 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 π’‰π’Šπ’ˆπ’‰π’†π’”π’• π’‘π’†π’“π’„π’†π’π’•π’‚π’ˆπ’†π’” 𝒐𝒇 π’„π’π’π’”π’–π’Žπ’†π’“ 𝒐𝒏 π’‰π’π’–π’”π’Šπ’π’ˆ π’Šπ’ πŸπŸŽπŸŽπŸ—, 𝒂𝒕 𝟐𝟐%, πŸπŸ‘%, πŸπŸ’% 𝒂𝒏𝒅 π’Žπ’π’“π’† 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 πŸπŸ“% π’“π’†π’”π’‘π’†π’„π’•π’Šπ’—π’†π’π’š. 𝑰𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 π’”π’‚π’Žπ’† π’šπ’†π’‚π’“, π’†π’™π’‘π’†π’π’…π’Šπ’•π’–π’“π’† 𝒂𝒍𝒔𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 π’‘π’†π’“π’„π’†π’π’•π’‚π’ˆπ’†π’” 𝒐𝒇 π’”π’‘π’†π’π’…π’Šπ’π’ˆ 𝒐𝒏 𝒇𝒐𝒐𝒅, 𝒂𝒕 πŸπŸ“% π’Šπ’ π‘ͺ𝒂𝒏𝒂𝒅𝒂, π’Šπ’ 𝑱𝒂𝒑𝒂𝒏 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒕 πŸπŸ’%, 𝒂𝒕 𝟐𝟎% π’Šπ’ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑼𝑲 𝒂𝒏𝒅 π’Šπ’ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑼𝑺𝑨 π’†π’™π’‘π’†π’π’…π’Šπ’•π’–π’“π’† 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒕 πŸπŸ’% 𝒇𝒐𝒓 π’ƒπ’–π’šπ’Šπ’π’ˆ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 π’”π’‚π’Žπ’† 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒅𝒖𝒄𝒕. 𝑭𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 π’“π’†π’Žπ’‚π’Šπ’π’Šπ’π’ˆ π’”π’‘π’†π’π’…π’Šπ’π’ˆ, 𝒕𝒉𝒆 π’‘π’†π’“π’„π’†π’π’•π’‚π’ˆπ’†π’” π’Šπ’” π’”π’‘π’†π’π’…π’Šπ’π’ˆ 𝒐𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒕𝒉𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆 π’Šπ’ π‘ͺ𝒂𝒏𝒂𝒅𝒂 π’˜π’‚π’” πŸ’%, π’Šπ’ 𝑱𝒂𝒑𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 πŸ’%, 𝒂𝒕 πŸ‘% π’Šπ’ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑼𝑲 𝒂𝒏𝒅 π’”π’‘π’†π’π’…π’Šπ’π’ˆ 𝒐𝒏 π’„π’π’π’•π’‰π’Šπ’π’ˆ π’˜π’‚π’” π’Žπ’π’“π’† 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 πŸ“% π’Šπ’ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑼𝑺𝑨 π’‚π’ˆπ’‚π’Šπ’ π’Šπ’ 𝒄𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒐𝒇 π’„π’π’π’•π’‰π’Šπ’π’ˆ π’Šπ’ πŸπŸŽπŸŽπŸ—. 𝑭𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 π’”π’‚π’Žπ’† π’šπ’†π’‚π’“, 𝒇𝒐𝒓 π’ƒπ’–π’šπ’Šπ’π’ˆ π’„π’π’π’•π’‰π’Šπ’π’ˆ π’†π’™π’‘π’†π’π’…π’Šπ’•π’–π’“π’† 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒕 πŸ”% π’Šπ’ π‘ͺ𝒂𝒏𝒂𝒅𝒂, πŸ“% π’Šπ’ 𝑱𝒂𝒑𝒂𝒏, π’Žπ’π’“π’† 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 πŸ“% π’Šπ’ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑼𝑲 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 πŸ“% π’Šπ’ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑼𝑺𝑨.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure to include these to provide context for your analysis and to summarize your main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Use clear and logical structures for your paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence where appropriate.
coherence cohesion
The main points are not clearly supported by specific data or examples from the chart. Make sure to reference specific figures to support your statements.
task achievement
The essay does not fully address the prompt as it fails to compare the expenditures sufficiently across all categories and countries. Also, incorrect grammar and syntax issues impede understanding.
task achievement
Ideas in the essay are presented in a somewhat confusing manner. It's essential to present information in a way that's easy to follow, making sure to compare and contrast the data clearly and comprehensively.
task achievement
While the essay includes some details from the bar chart, it would benefit from more relevant and specific examples to improve task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ Β»β€” a book that's free for πŸš€ Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • bilingual
  • multilingual
  • fluency
  • communicate
  • cognitive skills
  • cultural awareness
  • opportunities
  • globalized world
  • job market
  • interact
  • linguistic abilities
  • cultural exchange
  • language proficiency
  • language barrier
  • foreign travel
  • personal growth
  • academic achievement
  • self-confidence
  • enhance
  • cross-cultural communication
What to do next:
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