IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the Internet and what solutions can you suggest?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Over the past decades, the world has evolved substantially in terms of technological improvements. Among them, the
internet
Use synonyms
 has become more and more popular in today’s age of technology.
However
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the benefit of using the
internet
Use synonyms
 is undeniable, it
also
Linking Words
 brings negative impacts that did not occur before. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am about to discuss the most serious problems linked
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
Internet
Use synonyms
 and I will suggest the best initiative to deal with them. The first alarming problem of the development of the
Internet
Use synonyms
 is peer pressure. It happens because
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
show examples
 many online social media platforms
such
Linking Words
 as Facebook,
Correct word choice
and Tik-Tok
show examples
Tik-Tok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
show examples
, there have been an increasing number of news articles which
talked
Wrong verb form
talk
show examples
 about high results in
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 or achievements.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to some
people
Use synonyms
 who come across
these news
Change the determiner
this news
show examples
 can be under pressure and they may lose their confidence.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 has an issue of leakage of personal
information
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is used to being seen desperately in most countries because
people
Use synonyms
 are keen to chat online with unknown
people
Use synonyms
 and
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 easily believe what they say.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are being persuaded to give them their personal
information
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as identity number or address, and your
information
Use synonyms
 will be spread widely. There are various solutions that should be taken to tackle these issues.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the government should participate in
this
Linking Words
 question,
like
Change preposition
by
show examples
 bringing out strict rules.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who spread
information
Use synonyms
 about someone illegally can be sentenced
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 jail. Another way to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem is to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 not to post too much
information
Use synonyms
 about themselves on the
Internet
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, you should not post about your life or
achievement
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
 on social media too much. I believe that if these measures are taken, it will help reduce some problems happening in our technological age. In conclusion, the advancement of the
Internet
Use synonyms
 has brought
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us an easier and faster way to share and consume
information
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, we should be aware of its impacts. We should use the
Internet
Use synonyms
 reasonably and make it become more and more useful in our life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear overall structure, including a distinct introduction, well-organized body paragraphs, and a succinct conclusion. While the essay generally follows a coherent structure, the arguments could be structured more effectively, with smoother transitions between points.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points more thoroughly by expanding on each of them with more detailed explanations, examples, and arguments. There are general statements made which could be significantly enhanced with the addition of relevant and specific examples and clearer, more articulated points.
task achievement
Provide a fully developed response to the prompt by ensuring that all aspects of the task are addressed. The essay addresses the problems and suggests solutions in a general manner, but the ideas need to be expanded upon to fully satisfy the requirements of the task.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to manage the organization of ideas and improve the logical progression of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cybersecurity
  • phishing
  • identity theft
  • misinformation
  • fake news
  • social isolation
  • internet addiction
  • data privacy
  • digital literacy
  • regulations
  • awareness programs
  • manipulate
  • proliferation
  • consent
  • escalated
What to do next:
Look at other essays: