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Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What sort of punishment should parents and school use to teach good behavior?

Some argue that children should start learning to distinguish
right
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 from wrong at an early
age
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 in their lives, and punishment is an effective
way
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 to ensure they have learned their lessons. I agree with
this
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 statement. To bring a child up in a good
way
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,
parents
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 should make sure their
kids
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 can make wise decisions.
This
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 is a frustrating process;
hence
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, the sooner it starts, the sooner they can see the results. As we know, almost everything in life is a lesson that should be taught at a certain
age
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.
For example
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, when
parents
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 bring their
kids
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 to a play centre or park to play with their
kids
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 at their
age
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, they might get distracted talking on the phone or with other
parents
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, so a five-year-old kid should
recognize
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recognise
show examples
 who is trustworthy to take a simple snack from.
This
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 will not only keep them away from getting kidnapped or even poisoned by strangers, but
also
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 it will keep their
parents
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' minds at ease. Sometimes they may do the wrong thing, like taking a candy from a stranger, and nothing bad happens to them, but
this
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 will not guarantee they will be safe next time doing
this
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.
Therefore
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,
parents
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 should find a practical
way
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 to punish them to prevent them from possible future threats. Choosing the
right
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 form of punishment is an important
way
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 to deal with a kid's mistake; a wrong choice may increase the likelihood of repeating the same negative
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
. In terms of
parents
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, the best
way
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 to teach a child a lesson is to keep them from doing what they love to do the most,
such
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 as playing their
favorite
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favourite
show examples
 video game after
school
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.
Additionally
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, grounding them is one of the most common ways of punishment among
parents
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. Regarding schools, adding an extra class after their
school
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's regular curriculum and making them stay at
school
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 in the evenings is an effective
way
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 too. Choosing the
right
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way
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 to punish a kid is one of the most important decisions anyone can make. In conclusion,
parents
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 are in charge of making sure their
kids
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 are capable of differentiating between wrong and
right
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 at an early
age
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. Both
school
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 and
parents
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 can teach children their lessons depending on the mistakes they have made.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, but it could have included a brief outline of the main points you will discuss. This helps the reader know what to expect.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your points. This makes your argument stronger and shows clear understanding.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, but some paragraphs could be more focused on one main idea. Each paragraph should clearly relate to your overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your transitions between sentences and ideas are smoother. This will help the essay flow better and make it easier to read.
task achievement
You have provided a clear opinion on the topic and supported it with relevant arguments.
task achievement
The examples you included are relatable and show a good understanding of children's behavior.
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