IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Nowadays online shopping is extremely popular. Discuss the impact of it on the environment and on people who lost their jobs because of it. These days Internet shopping is increasing getting popular. Discuss the impact on climate and on the individual who lost their employment?

#impact #environment #people #jobs #internet #climate #employment
Due to
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
 of technology, online shopping is on trend which is a negative development.It has
as
Rephrase
apply
show examples
been causing
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 issues and
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
people
 have been
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
 their jobs too. In
this
 essay,2 main solutions will be presented followed by their possible
affect
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
.
First,
in online
shoping
Correct your spelling
shopping
people
 buy unnecessary items if they find any offer or promotions available on the site and don't use them after purchasing it which leads to wastage of resources as it
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of procedures to get the item shipped and
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of fuel
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the ship.It to
depletion
Correct article usage
the depletion
show examples
 of natural resources
such
 as trees and plants which leads to global warming.
As a result
, it causes
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 issues. The second reason would be the unemployment of the
people
 who run small shops or the
saleperson
Correct your spelling
salesperson
. Online shopping is done using the A.I. programming and doesn't need any manpower to do its job.
While
 the individuals who lose their jobs face
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of financial difficulties.
Moreover
,
this
 results in increased poverty and results in closing down of shops and being unemployed.
To sum up
, online shopping has made our life more
easire
Correct your spelling
easier
 and
convenient
Correct quantifier usage
more convenient
show examples
, but it has shown a negative impact on
climate
Correct article usage
the climate
show examples
as well as
 offering
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 job
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
.
However
, by taking measures they can ship the item in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
eco friendly
Add a hyphen
eco-friendly
show examples
 manner. By raising
enviromental awarness
Correct your spelling
environmental awareness
 telling
people
 about the consequences. Online firms can employ
perople
Correct your spelling
people
 for customer services etc. and can help to reduce the poverty rate.
Submitted by begumsyeda442 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Ensure that the essay has a clear structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The current essay tends to merge ideas without proper paragraphing.
support
Develop paragraphs with a central topic and provide detailed support and examples for each point. Avoid making sweeping statements without clear evidence or explanation.
tone
Aim for a more neutral and formal tone. Avoid colloquial expressions and maintain an objective perspective throughout the essay.
language
Work on grammar and vocabulary to reduce errors and improve the complexity of language used.
task response
Make sure that the essay directly answers all parts of the given task. Each point should be related back to the main question, discussing both the environmental impact and the effect on job loss due to online shopping.
examples
Provide specific examples that directly relate to your main points. This can help illustrate your ideas and strengthen the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: