IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
All of the things in
this
Linking Words
 world should control for bear something good. It is necessary
Use synonyms
children
Change preposition
for children
show examples
 to know what is the difference between wrong and right
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 young
age
Use synonyms
.
penalty
Add an article
the penalty
show examples
 is important to
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
ucrab
Correct your spelling
crab
this
Linking Words
barier
Correct your spelling
barrier
.I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 because
punishment
Use synonyms
 leads them to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right way, they will be
get fear
Verb problem
afraid
show examples
, mature in
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
 time and
curiecity
Correct your spelling
curiosity
 to
analycis
Correct your spelling
analyse
. Obscurity is good in the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
. First of all
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
punishment
Use synonyms
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early
age
Use synonyms
 helps them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
choose the correct way of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life.
For example
Linking Words
 one
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 my good
freind
Correct your spelling
friends
 Noman who is very naughty
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
his
Change the word
a
show examples
 young
age
Use synonyms
 when his mother observed it she started to give him
penalty
Add an article
a penalty
the penalty
show examples
 for every single fault .
Linking Words
as
Capitalize word
As
show examples
 a
result
Use synonyms
 he is a
successfull decission
Correct your spelling
successful decision
 maker in our freind circle.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, After taking
punishmenet
Correct your spelling
punishment
children
Use synonyms
 has a
curicity
Correct your spelling
curiosity
 to know why my
gurdean
Correct your spelling
guardian
garden
 give
me
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 the
punishment
Use synonyms
, it leads them to know what they have done and what is the perfect one.
Moreover
Linking Words
, after taking
punishment
Use synonyms
 they have a fear
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 it,
as a
Linking Words
result
Use synonyms
 whenever they face that type of thing again they will think twice. At
Linking Words
last
Add a comma
last,
show examples
 they will be a mature person in
least
Correct word choice
less
show examples
 time
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
,
for instance
Linking Words
, they will make crucial
decission
Correct your spelling
decision
decisions
initially
Linking Words
 . Most of the thing is fixable
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 Earth.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
gurdean
Correct your spelling
guardian
garden
 can give them extra work as a
punishment
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
as
Capitalize word
As
show examples
 a
result
Use synonyms
 they will avoid doing any wrong thing .
Linking Words
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
show examples
 parents can stop there playing outside,
for example
Linking Words
 in my childhood
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 misbehave with one of my
neighbour
Change to a plural noun
neighbours
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
 my mother
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not give me
order
Correct article usage
the order
show examples
go
Fix the infinitive
to go
show examples
 outside
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 play. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 I do not repeat it.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least
mentor's
Change the noun form
mentors
mentor
show examples
 can give
children
Use synonyms
 a
punishment
Use synonyms
 which
is learn
Change the verb form
is learning
show examples
 a new activity for every
falut
Correct your spelling
failure
.
Such
Linking Words
 as,
which
Correct word choice
when
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 can not dance
hhe
Correct your spelling
they
 have to learn
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
punishment
Use synonyms
 plays
a
Change the article
an
show examples
imortant
Correct your spelling
important
 role in every
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
child's
show examples
 life. Mainly it helps them go in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
coorect
Correct your spelling
correct
 path.
Linking Words
as
Capitalize word
As
show examples
 a
result
Use synonyms
 they can
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 in their life .
for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason , I support that
punishment
Use synonyms
 should be allowed
Change preposition
at their
show examples
their
Change the word
an
show examples
 early
age
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by kamrulcoder on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Your essay contains several grammatical errors and inconsistencies that severely impact readability. It's important to ensure your sentences are correctly structured and that nouns, verbs, and adjectives are used appropriately.
structure
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat disjointed. Each paragraph should follow a clear and logical sequence, with one point leading smoothly to the next.
introduction conclusion
Introduction and conclusion need to be clearly differentiated from the body paragraphs, and each should serve its purpose. The introduction should set up the topic and your thesis statement, while the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your position.
idea development
Your ideas need to be clearer and more comprehensive. Work on expanding your points with explanations that are easy to follow, and make sure they directly answer the essay question.
examples
Using specific examples is good, but they need to be relevant and contribute to the point you are making. Ensure your examples clearly support the argument and are fully explained.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: