The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowdays
, many people prefer to choose Correct the word
Nowadays
job
with a high salary because the price of all products increased. I strongly disagree with Add an article
a job
the job
this
view that Correct determiner usage
the
say
"getting Change the verb form
says
career
with a good income is necessary for employees".
The main reason, they do not have Add an article
a career
passion
for working. In other meaning, the function Correct article usage
a passion
prefurmance
will decrease because they do not love Correct your spelling
performance
Correct article usage
the work's
work's
environment. They will not do anything to develop their experience. Change noun form
work
For instance
, Indian people travel to another country to find work because they get a low salary in India. Therefore
, person
has to choose Add an article
a person
the person
appropriate
Add an article
an appropriate
the appropriate
job
that suitable
for their hobbies and Add a missing verb
is suitable
interest
.
The second reason Fix the agreement mistake
interests
considers
Verb problem
apply
to
my view is Change preposition
in
that
losing professional competence. The employee focuses on how much will they get rather than how they develop the company. Correct word choice
apply
For example
, doctors focuse
on income, but they do not care Correct your spelling
focus
focuses
on
the patient.
Change preposition
about
Tha
Correct your spelling
The
last
reason in
Change preposition
for
this
topic is losing their job
because they will not be efficient. a lot of careers require experience and Correct article usage
a cirtificate
cirtificate
. Correct your spelling
certificate
therefore
, if they do not prove themselves in area
, they will leave Correct article usage
the area
Correct pronoun usage
their job
job
. Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
the
good example of Correct article usage
A
that is
a big company which requires a
good staff to make Correct article usage
apply
this
company seccusesful
.
Correct your spelling
successful
To sum up
, searching for a good careers
is a a Correct the article-noun agreement
career
greet
chance to build your life without Correct your spelling
great
need
anyone to help you. you can be successful in your life.Change the verb form
needing
Submitted by Loody on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure which makes it challenging to follow the progression of ideas. Consider using clear paragraphs and transitions to enhance the flow of information. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and subsequent sentences should develop that idea further.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but are not articulated well. A clear thesis statement in the introduction and a summarizing conclusion that restates the main points are necessary to frame the essay effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
While the essay attempts to support the main points with examples and reasons, these need to be more clearly linked to the thesis. Expand and develop your arguments with more concise and detailed examples to effectively support your position.
Task Achievement
Your response to the task is incomplete. A clear position must be presented throughout the response, and different viewpoints should be considered if relevant. More depth and expansion on your arguments would greatly enhance the task response.
Task Achievement
The ideas presented in the essay need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Avoid generalizing, and make your ideas more accessible by explaining them thoroughly and using appropriate vocabulary.
Task Achievement
Use relevant, specific examples to substantiate your arguments. The examples should be clearly linked to the main points and articulated in a way that underscores your argument. Avoid ambiguous statements that do not directly support your position.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.