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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other. Others argue that people have become more independent. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Modernisation has changed our
world
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 completely, especially after the digital revolution. Some people assert that dependency has increased,
while
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others
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 believe that people are more independent of each other in the modern
world
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. I firmly believe that living on your own has become the new normal in the advanced society. On one hand, as the cost of living has risen dramatically, adults are mostly full-time workers to meet the demands. Because of
this
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, they rely on other people by outsourcing maintenance work
such
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 as cleaning, gardening, and other required services for their homes. In terms of upbringing children, families are dependent on grandparents, or nanny services as they cannot afford to work part-time to spend time with their children; it does not aid in a good standard of living.
As a result
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, it is argued that individuals are reliant on
others
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 even though the
world
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 is becoming modern and fast-paced.
On the other hand
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, I strongly think that the current situation of community has made mankind self-dependent. With the rapid technology change, especially, one can do their tasks on their own.
For instance
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, an individual has the ability to lodge their taxes, pay their bills or even navigate their ways using the internet connection which in the old days was not feasible.
In addition
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 to that, in terms of social engagement, a person spends alone time with their phone on social media rather than having face-to-face conversations.
Moreover
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, the youngers prefer watching movies on their own in their room rather than going out with their families or friends. These reasons,
therefore
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, illustrate that in
this
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 modern environment, we are self-sufficient.
To conclude
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,
although
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 valid concerns are supporting that we are reliant on
others
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 in the modern
world
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. In my opinion, human beings are developing different technologies that can make us self-content and detached from
others
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction with a thesis statement outlining your main points. Follow this with a logical sequence of paragraphs, each with a distinct main idea supported by relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to create smooth transitions between paragraphs using linking words and phrases to ensure the reader can easily follow your line of reasoning.
task achievement
Work on providing more relevant, specific examples that directly support the views discussed. General statements lack the convincing detail that examples can provide.
task achievement
End your essay with a clear conclusion that summarises the main points discussed and reaffirms your position. Avoid introducing new information in the conclusion.
task achievement
Ensure that you fully address all parts of the task, not just stating your position but also discussing both views mentioned in the question equally.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • interdependence
  • globalization
  • technological advancements
  • collective action
  • digital evolution
  • minimal reliance
  • direct interaction
  • empowered
  • access to technology
  • societal expectations
  • personal choice
  • leverage
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