in some countries levels of health and fitness are decreasing and average weight are inreasing. what o you think are the causes of these problems and what are some possible solutions?
The decrease
of
Change preposition
in
health
and fitness level
and the increase Fix the agreement mistake
levels
of
average Change preposition
in
weights
in some countries become Fix the agreement mistake
weight
problems
that should be overcome. Moreover
, some main causes that I believe affect the problems
, such
as lack of health
awareness and easy to get
junk Add a hyphen
easy-to-get
foods
. However
, some solutions offered can tackle the problems
.
There are two causes that should be focus
on if it talks about the aforementioned Change the verb form
be focused
be focusing
problems
; lack of health
awareness is the first cause since people in some areas nowadays have no intention to know how important to keep
in shape is. They do not Change the verb form
keeping
put
Verb problem
pay
the
attention Correct article usage
apply
into
managing Change preposition
to
activities
to stay healthy. Second,
easy to get junk foods
, which is still linked with the previous. With hectic activities
, a workaholic person prefers to eat foods
easy to get rather than to cook a healthy food
, and the one Remove the article
healthy food
a portion of healthy food
that is
mentioned is a fast food
which is mostly unhealthy to consume. Remove the article
fast food
a portion of fast food
For instance
, people will not envisage going to a gym or having an
exercise Correct article usage
apply
is
a need since they just spend Correct your spelling
as
whole
time Correct pronoun usage
their whole
in
working/studying area. Change preposition
apply
Instead
, they consume foods
and do not filter which one will harm them. As a result
, without a balance nutrition
Change preposition
of nutrition
on
Change preposition
in
foods
and activities
to burn calories, they will gradually get an obesity
.
Replace the word
become obese
However
, to tackle the problems
, there are very first solutions adopted. firstly
, an authority can socialize not only to
adult but Change preposition
apply
also
to
young ages in schools that Change preposition
apply
health
is a pivotal thing that should be keep
; in order to get fitness, Change the verb form
be kept
the
juveniles can join some sports Correct article usage
apply
activities
that are provided in schools, so they can balance their body to not be over weights
. Another solution, as individuals, we should start to prevent eating fast food and move to consume healthier Correct your spelling
overweights
foods
for ourselves and socialize to
our relatives to do the same.
Change preposition
with
To conclude
, to deal
with Change the verb form
dealing
the
Correct article usage
apply
problems
, it
can start Correct pronoun usage
apply
from
individuals Change preposition
with
to take
Change the verb form
taking
actions
and Fix the agreement mistake
action
share
the good things Wrong verb form
sharing
their
relatives about how important Change preposition
with their
healthy
is. If the very first solutions were adopted, I believe that Replace the word
health
will
overcome the Wrong verb form
would
problems
.Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
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introduction conclusion present
While your essay provides a basic introduction, main body and conclusion, the introduction and conclusion could be stronger in presenting a clear response to the prompt and summarizing the overall argument.
logical structure
Your essay shows some organization of ideas but lacks clear progression in places. Aim to present every new idea with a clear topic sentence and follow it with specific supporting details.
supported main points
The main points were identifiable but could be developed more fully. You should provide more specific examples and details to support your points, ensuring that each paragraph clearly relates to the prompt.
complete response
Your response to the prompt is somewhat general and could provide a more detailed analysis of the causes and potential solutions. You should fully extend your ideas and include a broader range of examples to support your argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
While you address the topics, your essay would benefit from more comprehensive development of ideas. You are encouraged to explore the implications and consequences associated with the points you mention to give depth to your analysis.
relevant specific examples
Use relevant real-world examples to illustrate your points. These should be specific instances that reinforce your argument and make it more persuasive to the reader.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.