IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some people think that having these people give a talk to school students is the best way to tell them about the dangers of committing a crime. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #prison #citizens #talk #school #students #dangers #crime
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Given the pivotal of
crime
Use synonyms
 education for
students
Use synonyms
, the question of whether having those who used to offence and rehabilitate involved in imparting knowledge about
crime
Use synonyms
 has garnered widespread interest. One common perspective, myself included, does not approve of the opinion that having offenders do a speech in school is the best way to educate teenagers about the danger of committing a
crime
Use synonyms
. Proponents of
this
Linking Words
 thinking that offenders should participate in raising awareness of
crime
Use synonyms
 prevention among juveniles cite the fact that they are those who used to receive prison sentences and have the ability to impart practical and valuable knowledge to
students
Use synonyms
' minds through vivid and shocking stories.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 thinking fails to factor in the fact that individuals tend to be reluctant to take advice from ex-criminals
due to
Linking Words
 their past experience. That being the case, people do not look at them the same way they do at others,
as a result
Linking Words
, it is difficult for individuals who engage in criminal activities to be trusted by youngsters.
This
Linking Words
 is a testament to
this
Linking Words
 means fails to send a message in deterring future criminal behaviours. What is more, there are various alternatives which are much more effective than using reformed criminals to educate adolescents about crimes. One option would be for teachers in school to serve as a credible information resource for their
students
Use synonyms
. They can add criminal knowledge in curriculum courses in order to help children have a deeper insight into illegal activities and the sentences they have to receive if they do those acts. A second option would be for police officers to give a talk to young people about what happens to lawbreakers when they are caught, which is considered a great method since they are those who are exposed to offenders and understand about law more than anyone. That being the case,
students
Use synonyms
 can trust and follow what they are saying. In conclusion, for the aforementioned reasons, it is undeniable that allowing ex-offenders to educate
students
Use synonyms
 about the consequences of illegal acts comes with some desirable influence, but I believe that there are more effective alternatives which can offer to send a message about the dangers of committing a
crime
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nttung.182 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure that paragraphs are well-structured and ideas flow logically from one to the next. Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs effectively.
task achievement
To improve on task achievement, address the prompt directly and make sure that your argument is clear throughout the essay. Provide relevant examples to support your main points and demonstrate a full response to the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: