IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Art classes, such as painting and drawing are as important to a child’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is
held
Verb problem
apply
show examples
believed that painting and drawing
classes
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in developing a child similar to other courses, as they must be taught to
students
Use synonyms
 in high schools. I certainly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and will explain why by fairly discussing both positive and negative aspects. On the one hand, participating in
art
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
,
students
Use synonyms
 have opportunities not only to practice drawing but
also
Linking Words
 to widen their knowledge about artistry theory and history.
For example
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 from
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
schools in Vietnam are taught about the popular sculptures and statues, which were built over 150 years ago in different Dynasty,
as a result
Linking Words
, they can both study new things and likely respect the cultures and customs, leading to a level up the awareness to preserve the beauty.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it is acknowledged that
art
Use synonyms
 courses can help the young stimulate their creativity and foster their thinking, which is helpful for high
students
Use synonyms
 who force themselves to study hard for college exams.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, doing artwork seems to be an interesting entertainment tool for pupils which helps them to release stress. On the one hand, there are not many
students
Use synonyms
 who sign up
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
art
Use synonyms
 universities, so it is considered that taking part in
art
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 wastes so much time, as it can be spent on other crucial subjects, like Math and English.
That is
Linking Words
 the main reason why most high schools in Vietnam rarely organize
art
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
art
Use synonyms
 teachers usually do not teach lessons clearly and carefully. If
students
Use synonyms
 have dreams of studying at
art
Use synonyms
 colleges, they will choose the cram courses outside the hall because the tutors are more professional. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are significant benefits, the negative aspects of these
classes
Use synonyms
 cannot be overlooked, they make the young waste time and less focus on crucial subjects.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your response addresses the topic and offers a balanced discussion of both positive and negative aspects. To improve, ensure that your introduction is clearer and free from grammatical errors. For example, 'It is held believed that...' can be corrected to 'It is widely believed that...'.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the cohesion between sentences and paragraphs. Using appropriate linking words and phrases can make your essay flow more smoothly. For instance, 'On the one hand' should only be used once, and the other side should begin with 'On the other hand'.
task achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to support your main points. For instance, instead of general statements, use data or personal anecdotes.
coherence cohesion
To enhance the coherence and cohesion, try to ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one. For example, the transition between the second and third paragraphs could be made smoother.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view on the topic, clearly discussing both positive and negative aspects of making art classes compulsory.
coherence cohesion
There is a solid attempt at structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • emotional wellbeing
  • mental health
  • fine motor skills
  • eye-hand coordination
  • self-expression
  • self-esteem
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • inclusivity
  • academic performance
  • artistic activities
  • complement
  • enhance learning
What to do next:
Look at other essays: