IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Art classes, such as painting and drawing are as important to a child’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is
held
Verb problem
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believed that painting and drawing
classes
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 play a vital role in developing a child similar to other courses, as they must be taught to
students
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 in high schools. I certainly disagree with
this
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 statement and will explain why by fairly discussing both positive and negative aspects. On the one hand, participating in
art
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classes
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,
students
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 have opportunities not only to practice drawing but
also
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 to widen their knowledge about artistry theory and history.
For example
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,
students
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 from
any
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schools in Vietnam are taught about the popular sculptures and statues, which were built over 150 years ago in different Dynasty,
as a result
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, they can both study new things and likely respect the cultures and customs, leading to a level up the awareness to preserve the beauty.
Additionally
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, it is acknowledged that
art
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 courses can help the young stimulate their creativity and foster their thinking, which is helpful for high
students
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 who force themselves to study hard for college exams.
Furthermore
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, doing artwork seems to be an interesting entertainment tool for pupils which helps them to release stress. On the one hand, there are not many
students
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 who sign up
in
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for
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art
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 universities, so it is considered that taking part in
art
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classes
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 wastes so much time, as it can be spent on other crucial subjects, like Math and English.
That is
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 the main reason why most high schools in Vietnam rarely organize
art
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classes
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.
Moreover
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,
art
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 teachers usually do not teach lessons clearly and carefully. If
students
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 have dreams of studying at
art
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 colleges, they will choose the cram courses outside the hall because the tutors are more professional. In conclusion,
although
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 there are significant benefits, the negative aspects of these
classes
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 cannot be overlooked, they make the young waste time and less focus on crucial subjects.

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task achievement
Your response addresses the topic and offers a balanced discussion of both positive and negative aspects. To improve, ensure that your introduction is clearer and free from grammatical errors. For example, 'It is held believed that...' can be corrected to 'It is widely believed that...'.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the cohesion between sentences and paragraphs. Using appropriate linking words and phrases can make your essay flow more smoothly. For instance, 'On the one hand' should only be used once, and the other side should begin with 'On the other hand'.
task achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to support your main points. For instance, instead of general statements, use data or personal anecdotes.
coherence cohesion
To enhance the coherence and cohesion, try to ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one. For example, the transition between the second and third paragraphs could be made smoother.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view on the topic, clearly discussing both positive and negative aspects of making art classes compulsory.
coherence cohesion
There is a solid attempt at structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • emotional wellbeing
  • mental health
  • fine motor skills
  • eye-hand coordination
  • self-expression
  • self-esteem
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • inclusivity
  • academic performance
  • artistic activities
  • complement
  • enhance learning
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