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Writing Samples
Band 4

It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and joining universities. What are the advantages or disadvantages?

#year #school #universities
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Every
student
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 has a
year
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 off between finishing
school
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 and joining
universities
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. It is becoming increasingly popular than
previous
Change preposition
in previous
show examples
years
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. It has some
advantages
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 & disadvantages and which are different from
student
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 to
student
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due to
Linking Words
 their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 and procedures. In
this
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part
Add a comma
part,
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 I would like to talk about
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advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of taking a
year
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 off between finishing
school
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 and joining
universities
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. The
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advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 of that
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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,
every
Correct word choice
that every
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Use synonyms
students
Change to a singular noun
student
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 to go to
school
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around
Change preposition
for around
show examples
 12
years
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 from their
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
. after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
12
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years
Add a comma
years,
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 they need to join to university
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
further
Linking Words
education
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. After
joined
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joining
show examples
 with university they have to
spent
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spend
show examples
 more than 3
years
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 to complete their degree. So
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 can take a rest between
this
Linking Words
year
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 off period.
Peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
People
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 can visit anywhere to
took
Change the form of the verb
take
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rest
Correct article usage
a rest
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 and avoid
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 mental pressure of 12
years
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 of
school
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 life. Another advantage is
student
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 can give their attention to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
some small
courses
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, which helps to get
advantage
Add an article
an advantage
the advantage
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 in their
further
Linking Words
education
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 like in
Correct article usage
a bachelors
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bachelors
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bachelor's
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 or in
master
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master's
show examples
 program.
As
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In
show examples
 my view
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 can join with language short
courses
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, MS
office
Capitalize word
Office
show examples
 program
courses
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and
Correct word choice
apply
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graphic design
courses
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 etc..
This
Linking Words
 is very
helpfull
Correct your spelling
helpful
 for their
education
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 and it
convert
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converts
show examples
 to their skills and they can earn
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
through the program. When we are talking about
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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 of taking a
year
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 off between finishing
school
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 and joining
universities
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, which are some
students
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applied
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
 for part-time jobs or full-time jobs. So, if they agreed to with under contract with their employees, they didn't move back to their
further
Linking Words
education
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. They are continuing their life with that job and
students
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 have to stop
to
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apply
show examples
their
education
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temporary
Change the word
temporarily
show examples
 or
permanetly
Correct your spelling
permanently
.
Peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
People
show examples
 can't understand the
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
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 in
this
Linking Words
 time period. They are suffering
about
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from
show examples
 their decision after
long
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a long
show examples
 time.
Then
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 they can't
revised
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revise
show examples
 anything.
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In
show examples
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my view, I think there are
Correct article usage
a lot
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lot
Correct article usage
a lot
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 of
advantages
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Change preposition
to taking
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taking
Change preposition
to taking
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a
Correct article usage
an
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off
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
year
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 period between finishing
school
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 and joining
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Fix the agreement mistake
university
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universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
show examples
. If
school
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 teachers can explain
Correct article usage
the important
show examples
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 of a taking
one
Add a hyphen
one-year
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year
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 vacation between their
school
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 life and before
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
show examples
, every
Use synonyms
students
Change to a singular noun
student
show examples
 can complete their
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 without any interruptions.
Submitted by lahiruraja97 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay contains a very rudimentary structure in terms of coherence and cohesion. It lacks a clear introductory paragraph that clearly sets out the question being addressed and the stance being taken. The conclusion is also not clearly defined. Paragraphs are not well-constructed, with ideas sometimes lacking logical development. To improve, the writer needs to develop a clear introduction, followed by logically structured paragraphs with clear topic sentences that correlate to the central thesis, and finish with a conclusive paragraph that summarises the discussion and reiterates the writer's position.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, mentioning both advantages and disadvantages, but it does not entirely fulfil the prompt as it does not offer a well-balanced discussion of the topic. The conclusion seems to indicate a personal opinion, but it is not well-supported throughout the essay. More comprehensive ideas and clear arguments need to be presented to enhance clarity. Including relevant examples would have strengthened the response and provided clearer evidence for the points made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • personal growth
  • academic performance
  • career exploration
  • cultural exposure
  • academic momentum
  • financial implications
  • peer separation
  • higher education
  • maturity
  • independence
  • self-understanding
  • reinvigorate
  • career paths
  • internships
  • globalized
  • structured learning
  • study habits
  • earning potential
  • social integration
  • non-academic
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