IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Military service for the young generation after completing school education is made compulsory in many countries. In
this
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 essay, I would agree with the statement that it is a good idea for all nations to adopt
this
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 system for both males and females for their safety as it is one of the top most priority for any individual in the world.
Firstly
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, military training is important for both women and men, particularly in the war period.
For example
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, the
people
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 of Gaza could resist the enemies for their long survival if their young
people
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 received military service.
However
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, in the current war situation, they just depend on the army which could not be enough to save
such
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 a large population.
As a result
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 of these circumstances, the whole nation collapsed.
Secondly
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, saving one's own life in any critical situation is the observed behaviour found in every citizen beyond gender categorization.
Although
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, the person who gets basic military training after leaving school, will confront the enemies in a much better way in comparison to the non-trained
people
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.
For instance
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, if robbers attack a house and place guns on the heads of the residing
people
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, the household with military training will fight them. In
this
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 way, they are successful in saving their own life
as well as
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 the lives of their family members.
To sum up
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, I agree with the statement that it is a good notion for all countries to adopt or implement the system of making military service education compulsory for young men and women after schooling to ensure their safety.

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Clarification
Ensure your arguments are linked directly to how compulsory military service enhances safety and preparedness, making your main points even clearer.
Example Expansion
Consider incorporating a wider range of examples from various countries, helping to underscore your points with broader global relevance.
Language Use Improvement
Integrate more complex sentence structures and vocabulary to elevate your essay further, enhancing readability and engagement.
Balanced Argument
While your essay effectively targets the prompt, explore the counterarguments to provide a more balanced viewpoint. This will not only broaden the discussion but also demonstrate critical thinking skills.
Consistency
You clearly agree with the statement and have structured your essay with a consistent stance throughout, which strengthens your argument.
Introduction/Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate your viewpoint, providing a solid framework for your essay.
Use of Examples
You provided specific scenarios where military training can be beneficial, which helps in demonstrating the practical applications of your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory military service
  • Conscription
  • National unity
  • Patriotism
  • Life skills
  • Discipline
  • Readily available defense force
  • Disruption
  • Moral and ethical beliefs
  • Gender equality
  • Stereotypes
  • Alternatives
  • Social service
  • Community service
  • Psychological impact
  • Economic impacts
  • Mandatory conscription
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