In some cultures, Children are encouraged to compete against each other. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this approach?
Every
child
is unique and different in their own way. However
, in various cultures, they are motivated to compete with their friends. Is this
competition advantageous or disadvantageous? In my opinion, there are more downsides if children
are constantly competing with one another.
There are several reasons why parents in different parts of the world, encourage competitiveness amongst children
. One of them is motivation where they watch their friends grow and put in more effort to develop themselves. For instance
, if a student scores 80% marks, his parents compare him to a top scorer to inspire him to focus more on his studies. In addition
to this
, another reason why some traditions believe in competition is to build a competitive spirit and sportsmanship in their offspring that can aid them in their future endeavours.
Although
these reasons are valid, I strongly believe that there are more disadvantageous a child
goes through when they are continuously competing with fellow students. Firstly
, it creates a lot of mental pressure around the child
to be the best amongst the lot. This
pressure will have a long-term impact on their minds, consequently
, leading to mental health conditions such
as anxiety, stress or depression. The teenagers, moreover
, may not be interested in comparing themselves because they may have different interests. If an emerging child
singer, for example
, cannot be compared to someone pursuing art. Thus
, parents must inspire their young ones to pursue what they like rather than just comparing them to and competing with their other friends.
To conclude
, children
are incomparable. There are certain benefits when different communities promote competition among children
, however
, I strongly think the downside of this
practice has more negative outcomes.Submitted by agarwal.bhavi07 on
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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure of your essay, ensure that ideas flow naturally from one to the next. Use a variety of transition words and phrases to guide the reader smoothly through your points, avoiding abrupt shifts in topic or argument.
coherence cohesion
While your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, they could be more clearly defined. An introduction should broadly state the topic and your primary argument, while the conclusion should sum up your points and restate your main argument in the context of the information provided within the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are present, but they would be strengthened by clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, followed by more detailed support and development throughout. Aim to expand and elaborate on your points with concrete details, examples, and explanations.
task achievement
You have responded to the task, but your response should be more complete by covering both advantages and disadvantages in equal measure. It is important to address all parts of the prompt to achieve a higher task response score.
task achievement
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task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support your points. Real-world instances, hypothetical examples, or citing reliable sources can make your essay more convincing and impactful.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...
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