IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Due to the advances in science, it is now possible for people to live 100 old or even longer. While some people think it is a good thing, others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Owing to breakthoughs in the field of science, the idea of living to 100 year olds has recently been quite viable for us; though, opinions regarding
this
Linking Words
 topic can be considered to be ambivalent:
while
Linking Words
 some believe that increased longevity represents progress and provides individuals with more opportunities in
life
Use synonyms
, others are concerned about the potential burdens it may impose on families, economies, and social systems.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both perspectives before presenting my own view. On the one
hand
Use synonyms
, extending human
life
Use synonyms
 to a hundred years or beyond can be viewed as a remarkable achievement. For individuals,
this
Linking Words
 means more time to pursue their ambitions, whether in education, career, or personal fulfilment. People may
also
Linking Words
 enjoy stronger family ties, as multiple generations could coexist, allowing grandchildren and even great-grandchildren to share meaningful relationships with their elders.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, from a societal standpoint, longer lives could foster greater wisdom and experience in the workforce, which might enhance innovation and cultural development.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Use synonyms
, critics argue that an unusually long lifespan brings about serious drawbacks.
Firstly
Linking Words
, healthcare systems would face immense pressure, as older individuals are more vulnerable to chronic illnesses that require expensive, long-term treatment.
Secondly
Linking Words
, prolonged
life
Use synonyms
 could create economic challenges,
such
Linking Words
 as rising pension costs and limited job opportunities for younger generations.
Lastly
Linking Words
, there are psychological concerns: living far beyond the natural expectation may lead to loneliness, dependency, or a diminished quality of
life
Use synonyms
, especially if medical advances cannot guarantee good health alongside longevity. In my opinion, the possibility of living to 100 years or more is a positive sign of scientific progress, yet it should not be celebrated unconditionally. Efforts must be made to ensure that longevity goes
hand
Use synonyms
 in
hand
Use synonyms
 with quality of
life
Use synonyms
, including affordable healthcare, active ageing programmes, and policies that balance opportunities between the young and the elderly. Without these, the benefits of living longer may be overshadowed by social and economic difficulties. 👉
This
Linking Words
 structure mirrors a Band 8+ IELTS essay: clear intro → ba

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

improvement
Make each paragraph have one main idea and add one simple example to back it up.
improvement
Use one or two small facts or data to back a point when you can.
improvement
Use more of also, and, but to show flow from one idea to the next.
improvement
Check long sentences for errors so they stay clear.
strength
Clear view and balanced talk of the topic.
coherence
Good use of on the one hand / on the other hand.
strength
The ending gives a simple plan for what needs to be done.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: