IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Read the question below and write an opinion essay. You should spend no more than 40 minutes on this task. Remember to write down a clear thesis statement followed by your essay plan. Only then attempt to write this essay. With access to the internet and social media websites, many children are exposed to a number of dangerous situations. Adults should thus limit access to the internet for their children. Do you agree or disagree?

#minutes #thesis #plan #attempt #access #internet #media #websites #children #situations #adults #limit
In
this
tecnological
Correct your spelling
technological
 era, youngsters have limited access to the
internet
 as they are becoming
thw primw
Correct your spelling
the primary
suspect
Fix the agreement mistake
suspects
show examples
 of cybercrimes
this days
Change the determiner
this day
these days
show examples
.
Although
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
essy
Correct your spelling
essay
explain
Correct subject-verb agreement
explains
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why
web
Add an article
the web
show examples
 is not a trustworthy place for kids
as well as
 how people protect their loved ones from falling
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 horrible situations
while
 using
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
.
To begin
 with,
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
world wide web
Correct your spelling
World Wide Web
show examples
 is naive to a fault, we can not trust everyone and everything that can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
heppen
Correct your spelling
happen
 in it. Owing to the lack of security over the
internet
, it become easier
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
every body
Correct your spelling
everybody
show examples
 to create fake identities and run
scam
Fix the agreement mistake
scams
show examples
. Mostly teenagers who are innocent are easily
gat
Correct your spelling
get
show examples
 trapped by them.
For instance
, Facebook has banned many fake profiles after being reported for causing fraud
also
 a large number of victims were school
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
. Moving
further
, I think
guardian
Fix the agreement mistake
guardians
show examples
 have a great
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 in tackling
this
 situation,
instead
 of prohibiting the youngsters from using electronic gadgets,
although
 they can
limited
Change the verb form
limit
show examples
 their accessive use or block the websites. In
aditional
Correct your spelling
addition
, parents
has
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have
show examples
 to
cheak
Correct your spelling
check
 their search history or their phones to ensure that they must not
misussing
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misusing
 their freedom.
for example
, many schools are
ristricted
Correct your spelling
restricted
 from bringing their personal mobile phones
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the age group
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
under 15 to school. I truly believe that
this
senario
Correct your spelling
scenario
 should
be follow
Change the verb form
be followed
show examples
 at home as well.
To conclude
,
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 is not a
trusteble
Correct your spelling
trustable
trustee
trusted
think
Correct your spelling
thing
show examples
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 any point of view. Access to it should be limited by the elders to protect children from endangered. I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that the
mention
Wrong verb form
mentioned
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prospective
Correct your spelling
perspective
show examples
 of mine strongly supports the point.
Submitted by shubhashish.bobby on

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coherence cohesion
The essay does not present a clear thesis statement in the introduction and lacks a planned essay structure, which is crucial for coherent writing.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas into clear, logical paragraphs. You should have an introduction with a clear thesis statement, body paragraphs each containing a main idea with supporting details, and a conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
The supporting points presented are weak and occasionally unclear, making the argument not entirely persuasive. Use more detailed and specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, but the response needs to be more complete with a clearer argument. Ensure that you fully address the prompt and present a strong position.
task achievement
Use precise, clear language to express comprehensive ideas, and avoid overgeneralizations or unsupported claims.
task achievement
Specific examples and evidence are needed to effectively support your arguments. You should include relevant examples that are directly tied to the points being made.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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