IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Today, many people do not know their neighbours in large cities. What problem does this cause? What can be done about this?

#people #neighbours #cities
Nowadays, in large cities, many families do not know their
neighbours
 at all. Particularly, the people who live next door hardly ever talk to each other or know their neighbour's name.
Moreover
, whenever there are some problems
such
 as fire, disasters or accidents... they are not ready or able to help others. In
this
 essay, I will show the reasons why and how to solve
this
 problem. As mentioned above, families become closed themselves more than ever. Actually, they have their own reasons,
due to
 complicated issues related to social evil, security, and health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
Therefore
, safety is one of the most important things, they have to keep for their family. So far, it has limited them from daily and social relationships including
neighbourhood
Correct article usage
the neighbourhood
show examples
.
That is
 the reason why many of them do not know anything about their
neighbours
. To improve the situation, families need to open themselves first by becoming friendlier and more generous to everyone
while
 they are still careful.
Moreover
, it is necessary to understand and help their
neighbours
 as much as they can, which helps them to build a stable relationship with their
neighbours
. It is what they need to do to improve
this
 kind of relationship. In conclusion, the neighbourhood is an important part of our lives we need to build and maintain
this
 relationship because we can not live happily without
neighbours
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a reasonable attempt at addressing the topic with an introduction and conclusion in place. However, it would benefit from clearer transitions and more explicit connections between ideas. To enhance coherence, make use of cohesive devices that signal relationships between sentences and paragraphs more clearly.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task but lacks full development of ideas. Aim to provide a more extensive exploration of each point, including concrete examples or evidence to back up your statements. Full task achievement means answering all parts of the question thoughtfully and comprehensively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Community spirit
  • Isolation
  • Surveillance
  • Safety and security
  • Vulnerability
  • Support networks
  • Local gatherings
  • Foster
  • Social media platforms
  • Neighbourhood watch
  • Emergency situations
  • Natural disasters
  • Shared resources
  • Crime rates
What to do next:
Look at other essays: