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Band 4

Some people think that it is the responsibility of governments to take care of the environment, while others believe that it is the responsibility of people to take care of the environment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #responsibility #governments #care #environment
How to take
care
 of the environment and who is in charge of taking
care
Has
Wrong verb form
of it have
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 been
the
Correct article usage
apply
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arguable
point
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points
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 from the beginning of
new
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the new
show examples
 century .
Opponent
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Opponents
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of
this
 subject support that making
progress
indivually
Correct your spelling
individually
 does not make any noticeable changes and encourage states to
escale
Correct your spelling
scale
escalate
 up and take charge . Others argue that making
progress
 individually
Add a missing verb
is
show examples
worth the hassle . In
this
 essay . I agree with
notion
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the notion
a notion
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as
Correct word choice
that
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subject
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the subject
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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should be in
industrial
Correct article usage
the industrial
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 . On one hand , supporters who encourage governments are not just random guys . there are graduate persons with great academics .
besides
, they have
better
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a better
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 understanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 what we are doing with jungles and
nature
 .
furthermore
, They are saying that taking
care
 of
nature
 with just a small effort
are
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is
show examples
also
 appreciated,
on the other
hand
Add the comma(s)
hand,
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 factories pay attention to
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
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demand
Correct subject-verb agreement
demands
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.
Correct your spelling
thus
thus
, not thinking about
nature
 they just want to make
profit
Add an article
a profit
show examples
.
Therefore
 , they encourage
official
Fix the agreement mistake
officials
show examples
 to take
charges
Fix the agreement mistake
charge
show examples
 and try to downsize factories and improve restrictions.
However
, many people believe with just small efforts
such
 as recycling and abandoning hunting . We can take
care
 of
nature
.
Correct your spelling
Besides
besides
, they believe that companies are Restricted and
downsizes
Wrong verb form
downsizing
show examples
 nowadays. today we are at the point
that
Correct word choice
where
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 there is no need for more
restriction
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restrictions
show examples
 we should focus on making
progress
 individually take japan as
as
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 example
,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
show examples
Opponent
Fix the agreement mistake
Opponents
show examples
 of
this
 opinion showed us in
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
show examples
 there is no need for restriction recycling
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
in the blood of
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
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 .  
To conclude
,I presume that
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should take charge because of uncertainty about
factories
Change the noun form
factory
show examples
 production and try to make
progress
 for
betterment
Add an article
the betterment
show examples
 of the world . I agree with
this
 notion as a subject.
Submitted by hoomajkzhomaei on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear, logical structure which makes it difficult to follow your argument. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all supporting sentences relate directly to that main idea. Use linking words effectively to connect ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Additionally, an effective essay should have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, each serving its purpose. Your introduction needs to clearly state the topic and outline your opinion. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your opinion. Try to make these sections clear and distinct to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
The response does not fully address all parts of the task. You have discussed both views but the examples and explanations provided are not fully developed, nor always relevant. You are expected to provide a more detailed explanation, with relevant examples that support the main points. Work on fully developing your ideas to meet the requirements of the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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