29 . Describe a custom from your countries that you would like people from other countries to adapt. Explain your choice using special reasons and example.

There are many
tradition
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traditions
show examples
in my country. For
background
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the background
show examples
story, I live in Pinrang, Indonesia and the ethnic named Bugis. There are many customs that I would like to explain because it is fascinating to adopt. In my place, there are many
house
Change to a plural noun
houses
show examples
that
build
Wrong verb form
are built
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up by wood and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
can be moved. The process to move the
house
called
Add a missing verb
is called
show examples
Mappalette Bola. Generally, villagers help each other to carry the
house
to
desirable
Add an article
a desirable
show examples
position. The custom of
this
mutual help is very good to adapt by other states.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other nations, there is
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
house
like in my hometown, it could be like
move
Wrong verb form
moving
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big trees or
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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. There is
also
ceremony
Correct article usage
a ceremony
show examples
called Mappadendang. Mappadendang is a form that
show
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shows
show examples
our gratitude after harvesting.
Benefit
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The benefit
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of
this
ritual, villagers gather together and foster the brotherhood. It can adjust to other countries since the
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
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is upright.
Although
there are many good customs, there is
also
dissatisfied
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a dissatisfied
the dissatisfied
show examples
tradition that
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
to be copied. It is Sigajang Laleng Lipa.
This
is when two people want to reconcile their problems in side sarong and battle using swords. It is not recommended because too
risking
Wrong verb form
risky for
show examples
life. In conclusion, there are many customs that can be adapted to other countries and the best is Mappaletted Bola since everyone shows their sincerity to help without asking for anything
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
return.
Submitted by skripsiandinu on

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Task Achievement
Be sure to provide an adequate introduction that clearly addresses the prompt and sets the stage for your main points. This introduction lacked a direct response to the prompt asking for a specific custom and reasons for its adaptation by others.
Task Achievement
Your conclusion should summarise the key points made in your essay and relate them back to the prompt. Avoid introducing new information or leaving the reader with an unclear understanding of your position on the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your paragraphs coherently, with clear topic sentences that guide the reader through your argument. Include transitions to connect your points smoothly.
Task Achievement
Expand your main points with more developed explanations and specific examples. Ensure that the examples are directly related to the topic and illustrate your points effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, try to organize your ideas and examples in a logical sequence that builds your argument progressively throughout the essay. Avoid jumps in logic or unclear connections between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Community support systems
  • Manpower
  • Financial assistance
  • Emotional support
  • Mutual respect
  • Crisis
  • Fostering
  • Societal resilience
  • Compassionate
  • United community
  • Empathy
  • Understanding
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