IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on society and individual to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #sites #impact #society
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Nowadays, some
people
Use synonyms
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
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 that social media
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
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bringing
Wrong verb form
bring
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 formidable danger
on
Change preposition
to
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 society and
individuals
Use synonyms
.I
am partly agree
Change the verb form
partly agree
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 with
this
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Remove the redundancy
apply
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point of view and we should look at both
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
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as well as
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 a negative
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 to draw
the
Correct article usage
a
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 conclusion. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand,
from
Change preposition
since
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 the invention of mobile phones and computer, the usage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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gadgets
is
Verb problem
has
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increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
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 tremendously, with
this
Linking Words
 the facilities of social networking sites has
also
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 taken the boom
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 few years.
However
Linking Words
, the facilities provide good communication between the
persons
Replace the word
people
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 and
brought
Wrong verb form
bring
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 the world together.
For example
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, with the help of Facebook,
people
Use synonyms
 from any
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
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 can communicate with each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
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 without any fences.
Moreover
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, by efficient use of
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
site's
Change noun form
site
show examples
 individual can
also
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 enhance their knowledge by learning new
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
, understanding different cultures, and many more. Not only the social networking sites have a positive impact, but
also
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 they
provide
Verb problem
have
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 some gloomy
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
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on society and
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
On the other hand
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,
as
Correct word choice
apply
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social networking sites provide better communication, but it contains some negative impact
such
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 as
people
Use synonyms
uses
Wrong verb form
using
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this
Linking Words
site
Use synonyms
 to communicate with other
people
Use synonyms
, but they cannot communicate with their family and friends properly as they spend more time on the computer and cell phones.
Also
Linking Words
, the ability of creativity is lost by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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,
this
Linking Words
 kind of
site
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 lessens the concentration power of the
individuals
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
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,
people
Use synonyms
 may face lots of problems and can
also
Linking Words
 suffer from depression and anxiety, due
more
Change preposition
to more
show examples
 usage of
this
Linking Words
site
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,my take on
this
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 is
individuals
Use synonyms
 should use mobile phones directly and wisely,limit their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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spending
Wrong verb form
spent
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 on surfing social
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
 and
settel
Correct your spelling
settle
 ur time to balance family and
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
,we
shouldnt
Correct your spelling
shouldn't
addicted
Add a missing verb
be addicted
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 to mobile devices
instead
Linking Words
 of spending time for family
Submitted by lychieuxien on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay presents a basic structure but can benefit from more careful planning. The introduction and conclusion are present but could be stronger. Ensure each paragraph contains a single main idea which is expanded with support.
Task Response
The essay needs to provide a more comprehensive response to the task. It should offer a balanced view with clear, extended examples. Be careful with your position; if you partially agree, make sure to explore both sides equally throughout.
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