IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places?

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It has been frequently argued that tourists around the world visiting historical monuments have brought ample advantages, whilst few masses opine that it has detrimental consequences for autochthons. In
this
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 essay, I would like to shed light on both perspectives
along with
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 my opinion in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, people should recognize that there are two key explanations for why visitors to museums and historically significant locations are almost invariably more affectionate than residents.
Initially
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, the gallery
,
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apply
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 was quite habitual with indigenes. If the exhibition halls did not have new changes, dwellers would not see anything novel to discover.
This
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 means that, after frequently consuming one dish a day, humans feel
vomity
Correct your spelling
vomit
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 and weary when returning to the same locations repeatedly.
Nevertheless
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, entrance tickets to a relic of civilization are quite costly compared to the ability to pay citizens.
For example
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, in Dien Bien, which is a northwest region of VietNam, the public finds it difficult to obtain jobs
due to
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 the high unemployment rate, and they do not have enough money for expensive excursions.
On the other hand
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, the government ought to have some ideas on how to resolve these issues effectively.
Furthermore
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, authorities want to put more money into showrooms so that items on exhibit can be updated. The more inventive a gallery is, the more nations are drawn to it.
Besides
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 that, areas must be left free for indigenous people.
For instance
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, aboriginals always go sightseeing in Hue’s imperial
,
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apply
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 and are not worried about the cost. Others may be inspired to visit historical sites in order to increase their knowledge of their own land. In short,
this
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 trend has numerous obvious causes.
Conversely
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, the administration must put in more effort to attract
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
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.

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task achievement
Clarify the introductory paragraph by directly addressing the essay prompt. For example, instead of beginning with a general statement about the visitors of historical monuments, start clearly with the focus on why museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists and not locals. Example: "Many museums and historical sites are more often frequented by tourists than by local residents." This clear approach ensures readers understand the focus right from the outset.
coherence cohesion
Diversify vocabulary and improve lexical variety to avoid redundancy. Avoid repetitive phrases like "To begin with," and "On the other hand," which are typical in many essays and can lower the engagement level. Instead, use synonyms or more varied phrases. Try: "Firstly," or "In contrast," to keep the essay dynamic.
task achievement
Enhance grammatical range and accuracy. There are a few awkward phrases that can be smoothed out for clarity and fluidity. For instance, "feel vomity" is informal and not suitable for an academic essay. Instead, try "feel nauseous."
task achievement
You have an engaging approach and try to give a balanced perspective.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples like the situation in Dien Bien, which adds depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Take for granted
  • Economical constraints
  • Routine obligations
  • Programming
  • Cater
  • Engagement
  • Community involvement
  • Personal connection
  • Cultural relevance
  • Discounts
  • Sense of ownership
  • Interactive exhibits
  • Local traditions
  • Field trips
  • Cultural bond
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