IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the main reasons people gave for moving away from a particular capital city to the countryside

The line graph below shows the main reasons people gave for moving away from a particular capital city to the countryside
#line #people #city #countryside
The graph illustrates some of the factors which caused residents, living in urban areas, to relocate to rural areas in two decades.
Overal
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Overall
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, it is obvious that
,
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apply
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increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 in living costs led most of the
people
 to move to the
countryside
,
while
also
 regular
congestions
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congestion
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 on roads and poor quality of life made a lot of
people
 consider moving from a capital city. In 1990,
rise
Correct article usage
the rise
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 in living
expances
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expanses
expenses
 was
a
Correct article usage
the
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 main reason for nearly 65000
people
 fleeing
capital
Correct article usage
the capital
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 to the
countryside
. It
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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kept increasing by 2000 to 85000 and from
this
point
Add a comma
point,
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 it
startded
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started
 declining slowly to
last
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the last
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 point which was 80000. Unlike the first factor, the other two presented similar changes in
this
20 -year
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20-year
 period. 20000
people
decidee
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decide
decided
 to start a new life in the
countryside
 because of typical traffic problems in
capital
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the capital
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 in 1990. The same figure goes for lifestyle starting with 20000. By 2000 traffic issues caused
ober 30000
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over 30,000
people
 to move away
while
 a little less than
this
 number of
people
 relocated
due to
 poor
lifestyle
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lifestyles
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. After that, relocating to
countryside
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the countryside
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 because of traffic reached 60000 whilst 40000 as
relult
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result
 of hectic lifestyle in a capital city
at the end
 of
this
 given period.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, countryside with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "move" was used 2 times.
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