IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the main reasons people gave for moving away from a particular capital city to the countryside

The line graph below shows the main reasons people gave for moving away from a particular capital city to the countryside
#line #people #city #countryside
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph illustrates some of the factors which caused residents, living in urban areas, to relocate to rural areas in two decades.
Overal
Correct your spelling
Overall
show examples
, it is obvious that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in living costs led most of the
people
Use synonyms
 to move to the
countryside
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 regular
congestions
Fix the agreement mistake
congestion
show examples
 on roads and poor quality of life made a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 consider moving from a capital city. In 1990,
rise
Correct article usage
the rise
show examples
 in living
expances
Correct your spelling
expanses
expenses
 was
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 main reason for nearly 65000
people
Use synonyms
 fleeing
capital
Correct article usage
the capital
show examples
 to the
countryside
Use synonyms
. It
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
kept increasing by 2000 to 85000 and from
this
Linking Words
point
Add a comma
point,
show examples
 it
startded
Correct your spelling
started
 declining slowly to
Linking Words
last
Change the article
the last
show examples
 point which was 80000. Unlike the first factor, the other two presented similar changes in
this
Linking Words
20 -year
Correct your spelling
20-year
 period. 20000
people
Use synonyms
decidee
Correct your spelling
decide
decided
 to start a new life in the
countryside
Use synonyms
 because of typical traffic problems in
capital
Add an article
the capital
show examples
 in 1990. The same figure goes for lifestyle starting with 20000. By 2000 traffic issues caused
ober 30000
Correct your spelling
over 30,000
people
Use synonyms
 to move away
while
Linking Words
 a little less than
this
Linking Words
 number of
people
Use synonyms
 relocated
due to
Linking Words
 poor
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
. After that, relocating to
Use synonyms
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 because of traffic reached 60000 whilst 40000 as
relult
Correct your spelling
result
 of hectic lifestyle in a capital city
at the end
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 given period.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, countryside with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "move" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: