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Band 4

Nowadays, it is getting difficult for people to enjoy their lives in cities. Why do you think this is? What can the government do to make life in cities more enjoyable?

#people #lives #cities #government #life
Nowadays, people are
getting
Verb problem
having
show examples
difficult
Replace the word
difficulty
show examples
to enjoy
Change the verb form
enjoying
show examples
 their lives
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 with previous
life styles
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
show examples
 and it's getting higher and higher.
As
Change preposition
From
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 my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
show examples
 there are
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of reasons for
this
 case and there are remedies to apply by the government.
As
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my perspective, I think, after the
covid 19
Replace the word
COVID-19
show examples
 outbreak every
systems
Change to a singular noun
system
show examples
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
vanished
due to
 some reasons. Mainly government, economy and social habits. The impact of the covid 19 directly
hitted
Correct your spelling
hit
show examples
 to everybody.
Submitted by lahiruraja97 on

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task achievement
The essay provided is incomplete and lacks adequate development of ideas. This deficiency impacts both task achievement and coherence, as the essay does not fully address the prompt nor does it present a clear and comprehensive argument with substantiated main points or specific examples. Improvements could include an expansion of the ideas presented, ensuring each point is given proper explanation and illustration. This would potentially allow your essay to meet the basic requirements of the IELTS Writing Task 2.
coherence cohesion
The coherence and cohesion of your essay are compromised due to the incomplete nature of your writing and the lack of a clear logical structure. The introduction does not fully set the stage for a comprehensive discussion, and the conclusion is entirely absent. For improvement, ensure that you have a clear introductory paragraph that outlines your main points, body paragraphs that explore each point in depth, and a concluding paragraph that summarizes your argument and reiterates your main ideas. Use cohesive devices effectively to link your ideas and paragraphs together.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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