IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that it is a waste of time to focus on future and important to focus on present. To what extent do u agree or disagree ?

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It is often argued that concentrating on nowadays is more vital than wasting
time
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 to think about the
future
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. From my perspective, I completely agree with
this
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 statement, and the following answer will be provided in order to support my point of view. One of the most important reasons is that the present controls the
future
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 since every good step from now will identify results in the
future
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.
For instance
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,
according to
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 the latest research conducted by students from Bangkok University, it revealed that 80% of problems that people worry will not happen in real life tend to be what they overthink will destroy their
time
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 and their health.
This
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 demonstrates that worrying too much about the
future
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 plays a major role in addressing
this
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 issue. Another reason to support
this
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 is the fact that successful people focus only nowadays activities.
This
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 is because they know it can be geared up their life. To illustrate
this
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, in recent news, it has been reported that American millionaires never waste
time
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 to be concerned about the
future
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.
As a result
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, they find a way to get rich by spending
time
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 on action
instead
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 of thinking which solves all the problems when they do business and can be a role model for staff in their company.
Also
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, from my real experience, I try to make everything better
from
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apply
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step by step
have
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and have
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 to focus on the present too. In conclusion, it is undoubtedly true that nowadays is more important than the
future
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 as the present controls the
future
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 and successful people focus only on present activities.

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task achievement
You have addressed the prompt well by providing a relevant introduction and conclusion that match your argument. However, the logic could be made clearer by ensuring each point is more distinctly linked to your thesis. This can be done by tightening up the coherence between paragraphs and sentences.
coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence and flow, consider using more transitional phrases to link your ideas smoothly. This will help guide the reader through your argument more effectively and improve the overall cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure that every main point is well-supported with specific examples or evidence. While you have included some relevant examples, making them more detailed and closely tied to your argument could enhance your essay's impact.
coherence cohesion
Work on making your sentences clearer and more concise. Occasionally, sentences are a bit convoluted, which can detract from the clarity of your ideas. Simpler, more direct sentences will make your arguments more comprehensible.
task achievement
Your essay is very focused on the topic and you have clearly taken a stance, which is maintained throughout the essay. This shows a good level of engagement with the task.
task achievement
You have used relevant and varied examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your points and demonstrates an effort to make your essay informative and persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical. You have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in clearly communicating your ideas to the reader.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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