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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that family is the most important influence on young adults. Other people think that friends are the most important influence on young adults. Which view do you agree with?

#people #influence #adults #friends
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It is often debated whether family or
friends
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 exert a greater
influence
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 on young
adults
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.
While
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 the role of family in shaping a young adult's well-being is undeniable, I believe that
friends
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 play a more significant role in their development. It is
also
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 important to acknowledge the profound impact of family. Family members act as both educators and
friends
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, offering a wide range of perspectives and guidance. From the earliest stages of life, they teach us essential skills and values, and as we mature, they become confidants who provide support and encouragement.
This
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 close bond fosters trust and can
influence
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 our personality traits.
However
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, it is crucial to recognize that family dynamics can
also
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 have a negative impact. Children from dysfunctional families with conflict, affairs, or divorce often experience heightened stress and may be more likely to emulate these
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
.
This
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 can lead to social issues later in life.
However
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, the argument that peers have a stronger
influence
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 is well supported by the fact that they share similar experiences and can understand each other more thoroughly. Young
adults
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 often face immense pressure from family and school expectations, leaving them feeling overwhelmed and unable to confide in their parents. In these situations, peers who are going through similar struggles can provide valuable support and companionship.
Friends
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 provide a safe space for experimentation, self-discovery, and the development of social skills, ultimately contributing to a more well-rounded individual. In conclusion,
while
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 family members play a vital role in shaping our values and providing support, I believe that
friends
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 have a greater
influence
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 on young
adults
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due to
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 their shared experiences and understanding. It is essential for young
adults
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 to carefully select their
friends
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 and learn from the positive influences in their lives.
Submitted by ngocthuykatie on

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coherence cohesion
To achieve a higher score in coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the fluidity of the essay.
task achievement
To strengthen your task achievement score, it would be beneficial to include more specific examples or anecdotes that clearly relate to the arguments you present. This will demonstrate depth of thought and add credibility.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, clearly addressing both perspectives and stating a personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively formulated, giving the essay a clear beginning and end.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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