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In many countries, the number of obese children is increasing rapidly, and many people believe that the government is responsible for this alarming problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #people #government
In many countries, the number of obese
children
 is increasing rapidly, many people believe that the government is responsible for
this
 alarming problem. I find that
this
 is not an entirely accurate opinion.
Although
 the government is responsible for the problem of overweight
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
, the key is still parental supervision and proper education from
schools
. Parents should pay a lot of attention to their
children
. They need to soon build a healthy lifestyle for their
children
such
 as eating in moderation and preparing healthy, nutritious dishes. Limit restaurant meals and unhealthy snacks
such
 as candy, snacks or greasy fried foods.
Besides
, encourage
children
 to actively move and participate in physical activities to help them form movement habits.
Furthermore
, parents need to actively monitor the average index between their child's weight and height, so that they can come up with appropriate and timely solutions when they realize that their child is at risk of obesity.
Schools
also
 have a responsibility to care for students. Currently,
schools
 provide at least one meal a day for students, so
this
 meal needs to be a healthy menu with lots of foods rich in protein and
fiber
Change the spelling
fibre
show examples
.
Second,
incorporating health-related issues into the curriculum helps
children
 understand the harmful effects of obesity and what students should do to avoid being overweight.
Next,
create a dynamic environment to help
children
 exercise more
such
 as building sports activity areas, football fields, badminton courts...
Finally
, the school can organize periodic health checks for
children
. small to proactively monitor health status. In short, I completely disagree with the view that people blame the government for overweight and unhealthy lifestyles in
children
 because parents and
schools
 are the main factors that can help
children
 prevent
this
 condition.
Submitted by huoglan10 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay contains a clear introduction that outlines your position and a conclusion that summarizes it. Both of these components seemed underdeveloped.
Coherence and Cohesion
Structure your essay clearly, with distinct paragraphs for your introduction, each main point, and your conclusion. Use cohesive devices to make the progression of ideas clearer to the reader.
Task Achievement
Fully extend and support your main points, using specific examples where relevant, and explain the reasoning behind your opinions more comprehensively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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