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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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Nowadays, most
of
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apply
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children
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 spend a great deal of
time
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 on their
smartphones
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 daily. There are some reasons for
this
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 issue and it is expected to affect
youngesters
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youngsters
in a harmful way.
This
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 notion will be illustrated in
this
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 essay by giving some explanations and examples. With the significant advancement of technology, digital gadgets are accessible
for
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to
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 everyone easily.
Therefore
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,
children
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 who have been more in touch with
the
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apply
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modern technology recently, are likely to be more enthusiastic about spending too much
time
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 on their
smartphones
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. Because, in
this
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way
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way,
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 they are able to connect to their peers effortlessly
besides
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 playing a game.
As a result
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, they will be entertained and find personal
fulfillment
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fulfilment
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 which
cause
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causes
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 spending more and more
time
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on
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in
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 virtual space.
For instance
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, a child who owns a phone and is able to connect to the internet may share a video on
Youtube
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YouTube
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Linking Words
then
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and then
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,
is
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be
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 amused and pleased by capturing attention which leads to spending lots of
time
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 on
this
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 social media. The effect of technology on
children
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 who are passionate about computerization and digital gadgets is inevitable. In my perspective, the more
children
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 spend
time
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 on their
smartphones
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, the more they would be in
the
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apply
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danger of mental and physical problems. Imagine a child who is surfing
on
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apply
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the web and playing computer games all
the
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apply
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day.In
this
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condition
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condition,
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 he/she
face
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faces
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 serious difficulties in playing an active role in society
due to
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 the disability of communicating effectively.
Furthermore
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, they are expected to have major health issues in the future as they do not allocate enough
time
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 to physical activities.
To conclude
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, As technological devices are reachable for individuals conveniently and owing to the variety of entertainment feathers for them,
children
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 are eager to use their
smartphones
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 constantly.
This
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 issue is not only considered
as
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apply
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a positive development but
also
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 can be devastating in terms of causing mental and physical problems.
Submitted by s.hemmati.p on

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coherence cohesion
The essay should have a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas progress logically from one to the other. Additionally, transitions and cohesive devices should be used to better link ideas.
task achievement
The introduction should introduce the topic and provide a clear answer to the question, stating whether you believe the development is positive or negative. Each body paragraph should have a clear main topic that relates directly back to the question. Specific examples should be fully expanded to illustrate your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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