Some people think that tha government is wasting money on tha art and that this money could be better spend elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?
Government
has a widerange
of Correct your spelling
wider range
responsibility
in order to create a better life for the people. One of their duties is to regulate Fix the agreement mistake
responsibilities
state
finances
based on each sectors
. Many Change to a singular noun
sector
sectors
in the state
need to be arranged precisely, such
as economy, infrastructure, education, culture and art
development, and so on. However
, since the state
finances
were limited, there should be lists of priority in terms of what sector might need to be funded primarily.
Art
is one of the sectors
the government
has to establish. It reflects cultural and historical values that was
not less important than any other Change the verb form
were
sectors
. In fact, art
can be one of state's
identity to be seen worldwide and it Correct article usage
the state's
also
can contributes
positive impacts through tourism, social, and educational businesses. Change the verb form
contribute
Moreover
, art
has the ability to inspire and improve the environment to be more lively espesially
for public spaces.
Even though Correct your spelling
especially
art
has lots of benefits towards society, it is essential for government
to Add an article
the government
fulfill
the citizens' basic Change the spelling
fulfil
necessity
including healthcare, education, infrastructure, and other relevant issues. Since the Fix the agreement mistake
necessities
finances
were limited, these issues might need to be solved first since it was the fundamental needs of the citizens'
. Correct your spelling
citizens
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
art
is just as important as other sectors
, it might not be as crucial and tends to be an opportunity for a country to grow which not
require fast handling.
Add a missing verb
does not
Due to
that fact, I agreed
that Wrong verb form
agree
state's
Correct article usage
the state's
finances
should be initially
arranged to the primary issues this
society faced
. Wrong verb form
faces
Nevertheless
, if the government
has the urgency and extra funding for the art
sector, it would be great to invest and develop that area as well. I believe that spending money for
Change preposition
on
art
sector is not a waste since Correct article usage
the art
art
also
participate
positive Verb problem
produces
outcome
in plenty Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
ways
.Change preposition
of ways
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Introduction & Conclusion
Your essay demonstrates a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion but lacks a clear and impactful introduction and conclusion. To enhance them, make sure to clearly state the topic and your stance in the introduction, and summarize your key points while restating your position in the conclusion.
Supported Main Points
The main points in your essay are somewhat developed but need further support. Use more concrete examples, and data or quotes to substantiate your claims. This makes your arguments more persuasive and the essay richer in content.
Logical Structure
To improve the logical structure of your essay, ensure a clear progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next. Use cohesive devices such as conjunctions and linking phrases to help the reader through your arguments. The flow between sentences must be smooth to maintain coherence.
Task Completion
While your response addresses the task, it could be more complete by directly addressing the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement. Make your position clear throughout the essay and provide a balanced argument with comparative points for both sides of the issue.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Your ideas could be more comprehensive and clearly expressed. Aim to fully develop each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, supporting sentences with evidence, and a concluding sentence that ties back to the essay question.
Relevant & Specific Examples
To score higher, incorporate more relevant, specific examples that are directly related to the topic. Examples are critical in illustrating and supporting the points you make. They provide real-world grounding for abstract ideas, making your essay more convincing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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