Some people think that tha government is wasting money on tha art and that this money could be better spend elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?
Government
has a Use synonyms
widerange
of Correct your spelling
wider range
responsibility
in order to create a better life for the people. One of their duties is to regulate Fix the agreement mistake
responsibilities
state
Use synonyms
finances
based on each Use synonyms
Use synonyms
sectors
. Many Change to a singular noun
sector
sectors
in the Use synonyms
state
need to be arranged precisely, Use synonyms
such
as economy, infrastructure, education, culture and Linking Words
art
development, and so on. Use synonyms
However
, since the Linking Words
state
Use synonyms
finances
were limited, there should be lists of priority in terms of what sector might need to be funded primarily.
Use synonyms
Art
is one of the Use synonyms
sectors
the Use synonyms
government
has to establish. It reflects cultural and historical values that Use synonyms
was
not less important than any other Change the verb form
were
sectors
. In fact, Use synonyms
art
can be one of Use synonyms
Use synonyms
state's
identity to be seen worldwide and it Correct article usage
the state's
also
can Linking Words
contributes
positive impacts through tourism, social, and educational businesses. Change the verb form
contribute
Moreover
, Linking Words
art
has the ability to inspire and improve the environment to be more lively Use synonyms
espesially
for public spaces.
Even though Correct your spelling
especially
art
has lots of benefits towards society, it is essential for Use synonyms
Use synonyms
government
to Add an article
the government
fulfill
the citizens' basic Change the spelling
fulfil
necessity
including healthcare, education, infrastructure, and other relevant issues. Since the Fix the agreement mistake
necessities
finances
were limited, these issues might need to be solved first since it was the fundamental needs of the Use synonyms
citizens'
. Correct your spelling
citizens
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
art
is just as important as other Use synonyms
sectors
, it might not be as crucial and tends to be an opportunity for a country to grow which Use synonyms
not
require fast handling.
Add a missing verb
does not
Due to
that fact, I Linking Words
agreed
that Wrong verb form
agree
Use synonyms
state's
Correct article usage
the state's
finances
should be Use synonyms
initially
arranged to the primary issues Linking Words
this
society Linking Words
faced
. Wrong verb form
faces
Nevertheless
, if the Linking Words
government
has the urgency and extra funding for the Use synonyms
art
sector, it would be great to invest and develop that area as well. I believe that spending money Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
Use synonyms
art
sector is not a waste since Correct article usage
the art
art
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
participate
positive Verb problem
produces
outcome
in plenty Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
ways
.Change preposition
of ways
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your essay demonstrates a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion but lacks a clear and impactful introduction and conclusion. To enhance them, make sure to clearly state the topic and your stance in the introduction, and summarize your key points while restating your position in the conclusion.
Supported Main Points
The main points in your essay are somewhat developed but need further support. Use more concrete examples, and data or quotes to substantiate your claims. This makes your arguments more persuasive and the essay richer in content.
Logical Structure
To improve the logical structure of your essay, ensure a clear progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next. Use cohesive devices such as conjunctions and linking phrases to help the reader through your arguments. The flow between sentences must be smooth to maintain coherence.
Task Completion
While your response addresses the task, it could be more complete by directly addressing the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement. Make your position clear throughout the essay and provide a balanced argument with comparative points for both sides of the issue.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Your ideas could be more comprehensive and clearly expressed. Aim to fully develop each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, supporting sentences with evidence, and a concluding sentence that ties back to the essay question.
Relevant & Specific Examples
To score higher, incorporate more relevant, specific examples that are directly related to the topic. Examples are critical in illustrating and supporting the points you make. They provide real-world grounding for abstract ideas, making your essay more convincing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.