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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph shows the number of visitors to four international museums between 1980 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words

The graph shows the number of visitors to four international museums between 1980 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words
#visitors #four #museums #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The line chart depicts information about
museum’s
Change noun form
museum
show examples
 attendance trends in four international
museums
 from 1985 to 2005.
Overall
,
Louvre
Correct article usage
the Louvre
show examples
 and Vatican
Museums
 witnessed positive growth
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
visitors
,
while
London
Correct article usage
the London
show examples
 Science
Museum
 and Shenzhen
Museums
 had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 reserve (steady or negative) trend for over 35
years
.
To begin
 with,
Louvre
Correct article usage
the Louvre
show examples
 had approximately two
time
Change to a plural noun
times
show examples
 higher
visitors
 (around 8 million
visitors
) annually in the initial period than
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 other
museums
.
Furthermore
, in the first ten
years
, the Louvre and Vatican
Museums
 experienced positive growth and continued
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the following five
years
.The Louvre’s attendance slightly increased from 1990 to 1995 period before declining
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1995 to 2000. The
number
 of
visitors
 steadily springing to the
last
 period with almost 10 million
visitors
 each year. Meanwhile, from the year of 1995, people who attended Vatican
Museums
 dramatically surged and reached its peak in 2015 at approximately 10 million
visitors
. Yet, in the first five
years
,
London
Correct article usage
the London
show examples
 Science
Museum
 steadily maintained the
number
 of
visitors
,
however
, the attendance at Shenzhen
Museum
 slightly decreased.
The
Change preposition
In the
show examples
 following 15
years
, the two
museums
 shared
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 growth trend with a small
number
 of changes. From the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of Shenzhen
Museum
's
visitors
 rose to the initial
number
 of
visitors
,
while
 the London Science
Museum
 plummeted to its lowest point.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words museums, visitors, museum, years, number with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • visitor numbers
  • trend analysis
  • stability
  • popularity
  • significant changes
  • peak periods
  • low points
  • global tourism trends
  • economic downturns
  • natural disasters
  • tourist patterns
  • dynamic nature
  • factors influencing
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