IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many students find it difficult to focus or pay attention at school nowadays. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

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Concentrating at
school
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 is one of the
dispute
Change to a plural noun
disputes
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 for some
students
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 currently.
This
Linking Words
 essay will suggest that the major problem caused by
this
Linking Words
 issue is using
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phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 and
then
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 submit
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
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 on
telephone
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telephones
show examples
 as the most viable solution. The foremost problem caused by being unfocused at
school
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 is
ability
Add an article
the ability
show examples
 to use
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phone
Correct article usage
a phone
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 anytime. Nowadays almost 95 per cent of
pupils
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 have a mobile
phone
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, where could be downloaded distractions
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
variety
Add an article
a variety
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 of social media.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, most of the
students
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 are addicted to new technology and they try to find as much time as they
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 to play. As can be expected, it bothers their focus since everything they think is only posting new TikTok. Equally, the atmosphere in the classroom
effect
Correct your spelling
affects
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 whether
pupils
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 can concentrate or not. It is obvious that it is hard to pay attention in a dark room without any new
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
.  One immediate practical solution is to prohibit kids
to bring
Change preposition
from bringing
show examples
 their mobile phones to
school
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 and
limiting
Wrong verb form
limit
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 sitting
in
Change preposition
on
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 social media.
Likewise
Linking Words
, rooms should be
fulfilled
Verb problem
filled
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 with needed
tew
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new
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 technologies to encourage
students
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 to learn and
this
Linking Words
 issue could be solved by
government
Correct article usage
the government
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
school
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 for gifted
pupils
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 in Pavlodar restricted
to bring
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from bringing
show examples
 mobile phones to
school
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, the alternative is that
pupils
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 who
brought
Wrong verb form
bring
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cellphone
Fix the agreement mistake
cellphones
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 to
school
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, put them into the box before the lessons, and
instead
Linking Words
 of using them they are being enticed with new technologies. It is a good illustration of
solution
Correct article usage
a solution
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 as
pupils
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 are not interested in phones anymore as they are fully focused on subjects in great conditions that
was
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were
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 proposed by
government
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the government
show examples
. In conclusion, there are several reasons why
students
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 have problems with focusing and one of them is being distracted by
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phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and having bad conditions in the classroom. Possible solutions are to ban bringing cellphones to
school
Use synonyms
 and the local government should invest in appropriate conditions at schools.

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score, ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure with well-defined paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion need to be clearly distinguishable with your introduction outlining the problems and your conclusion summarizing your solutions. Both sections require more attention to clarity and detail.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a range of linking words and organize your ideas more clearly to increase coherence and cohesion within your essay.
task achievement
Make sure to fully answer the question by addressing both parts of the prompt in a balanced manner. While you have identified problems and solutions, more details and elaboration on these points could help enhance your task achievement score.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively by going into greater depth for the reasons provided and the solutions offered. This will help make your essay clearer and more complete.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to support your ideas, but make sure they are elaborated on sufficiently to demonstrate a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • distractions
  • focus
  • pay attention
  • lack of interest
  • motivation
  • fatigue
  • sleep
  • classroom environment
  • teaching methods
  • technology addiction
  • social media
  • peer pressure
  • workload
  • support
  • active learning strategies
  • engaging
  • student-centered teaching
  • realistic goals
  • rewards
  • balanced lifestyle
  • screen time
  • breaks
  • physical activity
  • support and guidance
What to do next:
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