In some parts of the world, people have become more focused on themselves than their communities. What problems can this situation cause and how can they be solved?

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It is argued that
people
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have become selfish than actively giving support to their communities.
This
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essay will try to identify the factors contributing to
this
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and
also
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explain some
solution
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solutions
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that may emerge
of
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from
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this
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. There are many effects
due to
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peoples
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people
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becomes
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becoming
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individualistic. Some significant
effect
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effects
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of
this
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issue are the lack of initiative in the society and no more financial support to the local movements. Volunteering is not easy, compared to
other kind
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another kind
other kinds
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of activities,
it
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as it
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doesnt
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doesn't
gives
public
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the public
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the financial
feedbacks
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feedback
show examples
.
For example
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, if
people
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becomes
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become
show examples
selfish
so
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apply
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they might not join
the
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apply
show examples
public
events
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and
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which
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it cause a
declined
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decline
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in
number
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a number
the number
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of
participations
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participants
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. No participants can be a problem as the community will not survive
due to
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a financial crisis and human resources issues. The government and the industry sectors could do various things to increase
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people
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people's
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commitment to their communities.
Firstly
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, the government can issue laws to limit the labour working times so they can get
balance
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the balance
a balance
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between work and personal life including interactions with
the
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apply
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society.
As a result
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,
employee
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employees
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can have free time to
involve
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be involved
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in
the
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apply
show examples
public
events
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.
Secondly
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, the companies can push their workers to take part in social
events
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and give benefits
for
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to
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whoever participating in it.
As a consequence
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, employees
are
Verb problem
have
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having formal basis to
involve
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be involved
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in
the
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apply
show examples
community
events
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. In conclusion, the problems that will occur if
people
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become individualistic are the lack of initiative in
the
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apply
show examples
society and financial crisis. Possible solutions to
this
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situations
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situation
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are a new policy from the government related to
worklife
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work-life
work life
balance and
push
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pushing
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the employer sides to make social
events
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as
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a trigger
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trigger
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triggers
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to increase their
employees
Change to a genitive case
employee's
employees'
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awareness.
Submitted by ryanrush16 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic, but there is room for more depth and specificity in the main points and examples provided. To achieve a higher score, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is expanded upon with specific, relevant examples. Strive for a deeper analysis of the problem and the solutions.
coherence cohesion
The essay loosely follows a logical structure but lacks clear transitions and connectors between ideas and paragraphs. To enhance coherence and cohesion, use a range of cohesive devices effectively and organize ideas more logically. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence, and subsequent sentences should develop the main idea coherently.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social isolation
  • Mental health issues
  • Community participation
  • Social cohesion
  • Civic pride
  • Volunteerism
  • Charitable contributions
  • Collective responsibility
  • Cultural heritage
  • Educational campaigns
  • Collective action
  • Tax deductions
  • Recognition programs
  • Mentorship
  • Community leadership
  • Intergenerational interactions
What to do next:
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