Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.
It has been widely claimed that smartphones become tools that some young people spend their time for hours every day.
This
essay will firstly
explain the reason Change the word
first
of
the case before elaborating Change preposition
for
that
why I consider the habitat to be a negative circumstance.
To Change preposition
on
being
with, it might seem reasonable for some to believe Verb problem
begin
with
the claim. Change preposition
apply
This
is properly because they believe that nowadays smartphone
is involved with basic activities of children
for routine life such
as communication or studying. For example
, children
are able to easily research knowledge from internet
by using Add an article
the internet
smartphone
. From Add an article
a smartphone
this
perspective, it is understandable why some would have the idea that hours of
Change preposition
apply
them
are spent Correct pronoun usage
apply
for
using the Change preposition
apply
smartphone
.
However
, I personally believe that the circumstance leads to negative development because it could reduce concentration
of Add an article
the concentration
children
for their education in physical classes in school. For instance
, using smartphone
to Add an article
a smartphone
searching
information could be Wrong verb form
search for
convenient
and easy method because it is fast to assess the data, but it Correct article usage
a convenient
is able
to cause Verb problem
can
children
lack of
endurable skills in no available internet situation in case Remove the preposition
apply
that
they only spend too long duration of time on Correct word choice
apply
smartphone
. As a consequence
, it would be
a negative effect Verb problem
have
to
their learning development in school as well.
In conclusion, it is undeniable Change preposition
on
to consider
that Verb problem
apply
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
is
a useful Verb problem
apply
tool
for Fix the agreement mistake
tools
children
, but the
Correct article usage
apply
uncontrol
Correct your spelling
uncontrolled
using
the technology could cause a negative side because it could be an obstacle to Wrong verb form
use
develop
some skills of Wrong verb form
developing
children
such
as concentration or emotional control.Submitted by kanittha.sma on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical sequence in some places, which disrupts the flow of your arguments. Make sure each paragraph naturally follows from the one before, with clear transitions and topic sentences that guide the reader through your line of reasoning.
coherence cohesion
While you have included both an introduction and conclusion, they could be better developed to clearly present your thesis and summarise your key points at the end. Your introduction should more directly address the topic and your stance on it, and your conclusion should reinforce what has been discussed without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have made an effort to support your main points, but your arguments lack depth and specificity. Try to provide more detailed examples and elaborate on your reasoning to strengthen your position. This will help your essay to be more convincing and show a thorough understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You have responded to the essay topic, but your response is somewhat incomplete. Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task, shows a clear position throughout, and avoids straying off-topic. Consider each aspect of the prompt carefully and provide a balanced discussion if required.
task achievement
Your ideas are somewhat clear but lack comprehensiveness. Work on expanding your ideas with well-thought-out explanations and analyses. Avoid making general statements without backing them up with clear reasoning or evidence.
task achievement
Your essay lacks specific, relevant examples that can illustrate your arguments effectively. Incorporate real-life examples, studies, or statistics that are directly relevant to your point of view to add credibility to your arguments and make them more compelling.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?