The internet has changed the way we communicate. Much communication today happens through social media. Some people support this and think it is a positive development. Others believe that social media have negative effects. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
The
technology
revolution changed the interaction between the society. Some see it as a positive side. Others believe that social media has a negative influence. From my perspective, The benefits of the Internet outweigh the drawbacks.
There is no doubt that there are some cons to the excessive use of social media platforms. The face-to-face interaction will decrease due to
the easy access to any family member or friends through the internet. Moreover
, Because of those who sit the whole day on their smartphones, will cause them many diseases like obesity and heart failure as a result
of the lack of physical activity. For example
, many children these days become addicted to their devices playing games or communicating with their friends. For this
reasons
, we should strike a balance between fair utilisation of the internet and excessive of it.
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
On the other hand
, The pros of technology
interaction are countless, It has become easier the communicate with all our relatives everywhere even overseas. For instance
, We can communicate on a daily basis with my brother who studies in Canada. Also
, One of the pros of technology
is saving time we can find out all the news on both personal and international levels, From knowing about a friend’s engagement to all political news.
In conclusion. There is a debate about which is more. The pros or cons of social media platforms. In my point of view, I strongly believe that the positive aspects of technology
outweigh the negative ones.Submitted by nana0072008 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay provides an overall logical structure, but some paragraphs could be better developed for a clearer argument progression. Try to transition smoothly between points and maintain a consistent narrative flow throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be strengthened. The introduction should more clearly outline the views that will be discussed, and the conclusion should provide a more decisive stance rather than merely stating there is a debate.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported, but consider providing more detailed examples and evidence to substantiate your arguments. This will enhance the persuasiveness and depth of your analysis.
task achievement
You addressed the task by discussing both the positive and negative effects of social media. However, to achieve a higher score, ensure a more complete response by expanding your discussion of both sides of the argument equally and incorporating a clear opinion throughout the essay.
task achievement
Ideas presented in the essay are relevant but would benefit from being expressed more comprehensively. Provide a deeper examination of the topic, ensuring that each paragraph centers on a single idea which is then thoroughly unpacked.
task achievement
Use specific examples to reinforce your points, which aids in substantiating your arguments. While some examples were included, strive for more detailed instances that clearly demonstrate the impacts of social media.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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