IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think living in big cities is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #cities #health
These days, migration has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased from village to
city
due to
 being better lifestyle. Some claim that living in
metropolitan
Correct article usage
a metropolitan
show examples
 is worse for the population's well-being,
while
 others disagree with
this
 idea.
This
 essay will explain why I partially agree with
this
 statement and provide examples to support my position.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the one hand, the urban places
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 all the amenities, especially the advanced medical system in order to people are able to
being
Change the verb
be
show examples
 healthy as compared to the village residents.
This
 is because the
city
inhabitants
 usually
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
go check their
health
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
every
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
year
Replace the word
yearly
show examples
 basis like
annual
Correct article usage
an annual
show examples
 check
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and they have more knowledge about
health
.
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
currant dwellers
are checked
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 their full body checkup in annually
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
if they have any
health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 in
starting
Correct article usage
the starting
show examples
 stage or minor symptoms,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they immediately take prescriptions to cure in
starting
Correct article usage
the starting
show examples
 phase rather than
developed
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
.
Therefore
,
it is clear that
 the urban
inhabitants
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 more conscious about their
health
 and they are
being healthy
Correct word choice
healthier
show examples
 than the countryside
residences
Replace the word
residents
show examples
.
On the other hand
, many cities are now faced the
air
 pollution
due to
 numerous private vehicles
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
roaming on the road as compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transportation.
This
 means the metropolitan public
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 able to
breath
Replace the word
breathe
show examples
 the polluted
air
,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
an
Change the article
a
show examples
consequences
Correct the article-noun agreement
consequence
show examples
, they will be affected by lung cancer. An example can be seen in many
city
 dwellers
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
 affected
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lung cancer disease as compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural mankind because the urban population do not have the
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
show examples
 to breathe unpolluted
air
 like village
inhabitants
.
As a result
, humankind can
affect
Verb problem
experience
show examples
health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 when they are living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
metropolitan places.
To conclude
,
although
 I agree
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 urban
inhabitants
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 more conscious about their
health
 and they check
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
health
 every year, I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
city
 dwellers can affect many diseases
due to
 the polluted
air
.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Work on developing your ideas further. While you have touched on the main points, both arguments could be more thoroughly explored and expanded with more detailed examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Focus on creating smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs for better cohesion. Using a wider variety of linking words can improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all main points are fully supported by specific examples or evidence. Avoid making generalized statements without backing them up with relevant data or scenarios.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory problems
  • population density
  • stress levels
  • mental health issues
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • healthcare facilities
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • psychological well-being
  • recreational areas
  • social networks
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!