IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think living in big cities is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #cities #health
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These days, migration has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased from village to
city
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 being better lifestyle. Some claim that living in
metropolitan
Correct article usage
a metropolitan
show examples
 is worse for the population's well-being,
while
Linking Words
 others disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain why I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and provide examples to support my position.
One
Correct your spelling
On
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 the one hand, the urban places
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 all the amenities, especially the advanced medical system in order to people are able to
being
Change the verb
be
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 healthy as compared to the village residents.
This
Linking Words
 is because the
city
Use synonyms
inhabitants
Use synonyms
 usually
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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go check their
health
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
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every
Correct determiner usage
a
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year
Replace the word
yearly
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 basis like
annual
Correct article usage
an annual
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 check
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and they have more knowledge about
health
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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currant dwellers
are checked
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 their full body checkup in annually
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
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if they have any
health
Use synonyms
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 in
starting
Correct article usage
the starting
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 stage or minor symptoms,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they immediately take prescriptions to cure in
starting
Correct article usage
the starting
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 phase rather than
developed
Wrong verb form
developing
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the urban
inhabitants
Use synonyms
have
Verb problem
are
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 more conscious about their
health
Use synonyms
 and they are
being healthy
Correct word choice
healthier
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 than the countryside
residences
Replace the word
residents
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many cities are now faced the
air
Use synonyms
 pollution
due to
Linking Words
 numerous private vehicles
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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roaming on the road as compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public transportation.
This
Linking Words
 means the metropolitan public
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 able to
breath
Replace the word
breathe
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 the polluted
air
Use synonyms
,
as
Correct word choice
and as
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an
Change the article
a
show examples
consequences
Correct the article-noun agreement
consequence
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, they will be affected by lung cancer. An example can be seen in many
city
Use synonyms
 dwellers
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
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 affected
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lung cancer disease as compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural mankind because the urban population do not have the
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
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 to breathe unpolluted
air
Use synonyms
 like village
inhabitants
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, humankind can
affect
Verb problem
experience
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health
Use synonyms
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 when they are living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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metropolitan places.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 I agree
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 urban
inhabitants
Use synonyms
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 more conscious about their
health
Use synonyms
 and they check
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
health
Use synonyms
 every year, I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
city
Use synonyms
 dwellers can affect many diseases
due to
Linking Words
 the polluted
air
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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task achievement
Work on developing your ideas further. While you have touched on the main points, both arguments could be more thoroughly explored and expanded with more detailed examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Focus on creating smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs for better cohesion. Using a wider variety of linking words can improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all main points are fully supported by specific examples or evidence. Avoid making generalized statements without backing them up with relevant data or scenarios.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory problems
  • population density
  • stress levels
  • mental health issues
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • healthcare facilities
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • psychological well-being
  • recreational areas
  • social networks
What to do next:
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