IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In the past, people used to travel abroad to look for many differences from their home country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar. What are the reasons？Is this a positive or negative development？

#people #travel #differences #home #country #cities #world #reasons？is #development？
Travelling across the world is considered
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one of the
treatment
Fix the agreement mistake
treatments
show examples
. Old
people
 usually travel to
discovered
Wrong verb form
discover
show examples
 new things,
however
, recently most cities
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 similar
each
Change preposition
to each
show examples
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
. I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
appearance is achieve part of the
country
 without exposure
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
culture
. ‏In general, social media are rapidly accelerating
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
photographs,
then
 most
people
 like to mimic
design
Add an article
the design
show examples
 of
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
, so the typical
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
building
made
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
 it
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 organised style.
Nevertheless
Add a comma
Nevertheless,
show examples
 the government
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 interested
to become
Change preposition
in becoming
show examples
 the resident area as
international
Correct article usage
an international
show examples
 shape code. Which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
helps
exchanging
Change preposition
in exchanging
show examples
 the experience. For clear
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
, when
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
compony
Correct your spelling
company
show examples
 employed
expert
Correct article usage
an expert
show examples
engineering
Replace the word
engineer
show examples
had
Correct pronoun usage
who had
show examples
traveled
Change the spelling
travelled
show examples
 before, he will add advanced experience. ‏Despite
these
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 advantages of
these developmental aspect
Change the determiner
this developmental aspect
these developmental aspects
show examples
, the crucial thing is
culture
Add an article
a culture
the culture
show examples
 of the
country
. Some
people
 prefer
travel
Add the particle
to travel
show examples
 for different factors
firstly
, most
people
 looking for fresh air,
then
 they
choses
Correct your spelling
chose
chooses
 their destination
according to
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
Replace the word
relaxation
show examples
relaxing
Replace the word
relaxation
show examples
 and nature.
On the other hand
, social
people
 like
travel
Fix the infinitive
to travel
show examples
 outside the
country
 to meet various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nationality
people
, they start
conversation
Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
show examples
 and
listening
Wrong verb form
listen
show examples
 to their music. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
country
 they could try something new
such
 as various cosine related to the
culture
in addition
,
people
 who love to
developed
Change the verb
develop
show examples
 them self, they will
seeking
Wrong verb form
seek
show examples
 to
learning
Change the verb form
learn
show examples
 skills or improve
language
Correct pronoun usage
their language
show examples
. ‏
To conclude
,
although
 there are different aspects
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the mean of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
, each
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
 have
they
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
won
Correct your spelling
own
show examples
 vibes
could
Correct pronoun usage
that could
show examples
effect on
Correct your spelling
affect an
show examples
 individual
according to
 their choice.the
develop
Replace the word
development
show examples
 of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
contributr
Correct your spelling
contributes
for increase
Change preposition
to increasing
show examples
 the opportunity for
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 and
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
proper
Add an article
a proper
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. Which decreased
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
unemployment.
therefore
Capitalize word
Therefore
show examples
, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
show examples
 the exchange the
culture
 is
optimal
Add an article
the optimal
show examples
 choice for traveling .
Submitted by M on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Task response: Overall, your essay partially addresses the prompt. Yet, it falls short of fully responding to all parts of the task, particularly why cities are becoming more similar and whether this is positive or negative. To improve, ensure that you explore all aspects of the question in a balanced manner, providing a clear opinion supported by appropriate examples.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay lacks a clear logical progression of ideas and transitions between them are sometimes unclear or abrupt. To enhance coherence, make use of cohesive devices and paragraphing to signal the relationship between ideas. Also, ensure the introduction and conclusion are more clearly defined to frame your discussion effectively.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: