IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
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It is believed that the development of individuals’ life quality is the most crucial goal of
science
.
While
 I agree with
this
 subject, I assume that I can deny some aspects of
this
 notion.
To begin
 with, I believe
science
 has been helpful in terms of increasing the quality of living significantly. Several scientific projects have been made to make life easier.
Firstly
, scientists and experts have invented several new devices in various categories. In
this
 way, not only
people
 do not need to work as much as they did before and it is labour-saving, but
also
 lots of these gadgets are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time savers. The salient example is the internet and smartphones. With these technologies,
people
 can do several tasks at home without needing to go out
such
 as online reservations, online shopping and remote meetings.
Secondly
, new technologies
such
 as electronic cars can save our nature
as well as
 our health. Recently, many companies decided to produce
this
 kind of car that uses less amount of non-renewable source of energy. In
this
 way, the deleterious impacts of fuels can be reduced to a great extent.
Consequently
,
people
 will live in a better environment and their mental and physical well-being will enhance remarkably. On the negative side,
although
science
 brings out a better life, it is sometimes detrimental.
Initially
,
people
 do less physical activities and they are hugely dependent on new inventions to do their jobs.
Hence
, after a
while
, society will go to be lazier and boredom will go up noticeably. With the aim of
science
, robots have been created and they can play a role
instead
 of humans. At first point, they are helpful but they can reduce the job opportunities and spaces and
finally
 pose the human position
in
Change preposition
on
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 the verge of risk. Now different studies show that they have made more individuals unemployed and more than 50% of them have had mental diseases
such
 as depression.
Therefore
,
this
 area of
science
 development is by no means negligible. In conclusion,
although
 I agree that
science
’s goal is the betterment of our population’s lives, detrimental issues have to be considered.
Submitted by farzin_seyednejad on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents your stance on the topic. While your introduction is present, make sure it fully anticipates the discussion that follows.
logical structure
Maintain logical coherence throughout your essay. Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific point. Some points could be further developed for clarity and strengthened with more specific examples.
supported main points
Support your main points with relevant examples and data where possible. Avoid making broad generalizations without substantiating them.
complete response
Ensure that you address the prompt specifically and comprehensively. Discuss both the positive and negative implications fully to give a balanced view and support your agreement or disagreement with the statement.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify your ideas and ensure they are comprehensive. Some examples you provided require further explanation and evidence to fully support your points.
relevant specific examples
Use relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. Some of your examples, such as the impact of robots on unemployment and mental health, could benefit from specific studies or statistics to bolster your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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