Nowadays a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think this can have negative effects on children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#amount #children #people #effects

Currently, youngsters are attracted by plenty of placards, some consider

this

as a negative approach owing to its negative consequences in the long run.

As a result

, it would be better to forbid it.

This

essay will delve into the details of

this

topic

in addition

to my opinion that will be illustrated which is agree with

this

strategy.

To begin

with, nowadays, it's clearly discernible that there are a lot of

advertisements

in order to attract

children

. To elucidate

this

, take the U.K. as a clear example, back in 2008, many video game companies launched

advertisements

campaigning in the system to lure

children

to buy these

games

As a result

, the surge in their profits was clearly noticeable.

However

, despite

this

, a survey was done by the administrations of Ealing School in London and they reached a conclusion which is so many pupils were not keen on their homework because of digital

games

Therefore

, the school authorities claimed that guardians to observe their

children

at home in order to get rid of these activities.

As a result

, after a profound surveillance of the parents in order to encourage the

children

to abandon these

games

, their marks were on an upward trend.

Moreover

, in 2004, the number of

children

Fix the agreement mistake

child

show examples

casualties increased to which extent caused by public propaganda. To illustrate

this

for instance

, in Egypt, a lot of

children

were in an attempt to mimic the heroic actions in some digital

games

Consequently

, the brutality between the young ages increased dramatically. So as societies do not struggle with

this

dilemma, what the governments have to do is bane these kinds of

advertisements

in a procedure to save our

children

safe and secure as much as we can. In a nutshell, it is predicted that the demerits of

advertisements

that aim

children

Change preposition

at children

show examples

are far high owing to the aforementioned clarifications.

Accordingly

, it seems to me that these types of propaganda have to be ceased.

Submitted by nadeenelkenawy4425 on Sun Dec 17 2023

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task achievement

The essay addresses the topic, but could benefit from a clearer introduction stating the writer's opinion. Ensure that the position taken on the issue is presented at the very beginning and that the introduction and conclusion echo this stance for greater impact and clarity.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is somewhat evident; however, there seems to be repetition and a lack of clear progression in some parts. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to more clearly organize the main points and their supporting arguments.

task achievement

The essay provides examples, yet sometimes the relevance and development of these are not fully convincing. Attempt to use a variety or more nuanced examples that directly support the main points being made, explaining how the examples are relevant and what they demonstrate.

coherence cohesion

Overall coherence is achieved, but the essay can be made more cohesive with better use of synonyms and less repetition of phrases and ideas. Vary your language and make sure not to overuse certain terms and expressions.

coherence cohesion

For an improved score, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that it elaborates on. A paragraph should focus on a single main idea, which should be supported by detailed and relevant evidence or examples.

task achievement

A more structured approach to your conclusion will help in summing up your arguments and reiterating your perspective. Avoid introducing new points. Instead, focus on summarizing the main arguments and stating why your opinion is justified based on the evidence provided.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

322 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Targeted advertising
Psychological development
Artificial needs
Unhealthy eating habits
Materialism
Consumerism
Parental responsibility
Critical thinking
Informative content
Economic implications
Revenue generation
Content creation

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Nowadays a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think this can have negative effects on children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

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Cashless transaction order of the day most of the time people prefer using plastic cash do you think this is trend will be useful for the society.

If all workers in a company were paid exact same wage regardless of job role there would be much more harmony and cooperation between staff. To what extent do you agree or disagree?