IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Teenages should not be allowed to use mobile phone at school To what extent to you agree or disagree

#teenages #phone #school
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
should
youth
Use synonyms
 not be enabled to be employed mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
. there is a pros and cons. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both sides I deeply agree with
this
Linking Words
 and I will give you my opinion.
Firstly
Linking Words
, nowadays
youth
Use synonyms
 are trying to be employed with a mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
 but they are breaking
school
Use synonyms
 rules. They take a
phone
Use synonyms
 inside the bag. They take it the
school
Use synonyms
 because they are addicted to their mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 during the class period they employ it and they don'
t
Use synonyms
 focus on class lessons.
For instance
Linking Words
, when the teacher
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aches
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
are employ
Change the verb form
employ
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
til
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Tok, YouTube, Google and
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
show examples
. they don'
t
Use synonyms
 want to focus
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the teacher.
Secondly
Linking Words
, these days
youth
Use synonyms
 are very popular in communication and chatting for a massage each other with the
phone
Use synonyms
.when they have a break time they
by
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
use mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 more time at
school
Use synonyms
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 build up better social
skills
Use synonyms
 which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
only leads to great communication
skills
Use synonyms
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
 education.
For instance
Linking Words
, if one
youth
Use synonyms
 is doing
this
Linking Words
 everyone following them.they don'
t
Use synonyms
 focus the
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
 they are focused to the bring mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
firstly
Linking Words
 some students employ
Mobil
Correct your spelling
mobile
show examples
phones
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
 if
had
Wrong verb form
they have
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
more and more benefits. Like emergency
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
, some education can be checked by Google.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
emergency
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 like a fiver, enjery ,
school
Use synonyms
 bus late.
Their
Correct pronoun usage
They
show examples
 can
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
use a Mobil
phone
Use synonyms
 to speak
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 parents. In conclusion, if the government brings the rules don'
t
Use synonyms
 bring the mobile
phone
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
school
Use synonyms
.
Youth
Use synonyms
 are definitely focused
study
Change preposition
on study
show examples
. they
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 focused
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other
skills
Use synonyms
 like social
skills
Use synonyms
.
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
 my opinion
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are educating the future generation of happy and successful people
increasing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
Youth
Use synonyms
 are focused
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 education must be better.
Submitted by manushamanu1024 on

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task response
Your essay lacks clarity and precision in expressing your viewpoint. It's essential to maintain a clear stance throughout the essay and ensure that your ideas are elaborated upon clearly, avoiding repetitive or vague statements.
coherence and cohesion
The overall structure of your essay could use improvement. It's important to have a clear introduction with a thesis statement, well-organized body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion to reflect upon the main points discussed.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and varied sentence structures to link ideas more smoothly and demonstrate a good command of the English language.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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