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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motorbike. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #road #safety #age #car #motorbike
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While
 some hold the idea that the most optimal way to enhance transportation safety is to elevate the youngest legal
age
. I completely disagree with the given point as I believe there are better alternatives which can be conducted by authorities and Governments
Firstly
, increasing the minimum legal
age
 will not work if individuals are not aware of the importance of
road
security
. Older people might have bad behaviours when travelling if they are not well-educated, resulting in unexpected accidents on roads.
Hence
 raising awareness of traffic
security
 is more important regardless of how old people are.
Furthermore
, education is always considered a sustainable approach which leads to long-term benefits.
For example
, by implementing transportation knowledge sessions broadcasted on national channels in 2000, Korea successfully decreased the number of accidents by 10% compared to the previous year,
although
 the minimum legal
age
 there is 16.
Secondly
, the lack of government relations is another factor affecting
road
security
. A higher legal
age
 will go to nowhere if authorities do not have appropriate advocates. Without rules, communities tend to ignore the importance of prioritizing safety,
consequently
, causing devastating traffic disasters. When being enforced by obligations, individuals may change their attitudes,
subsequently
, contributing to improving
road
security
. In conclusion,
whereas
 numerous people believe that lifting the minimum legal
age
 is the most effective solution to
road
security
, I strongly do not agree with it as communities should apply other sustainable ways. It is expected that if the aforementioned solutions are applied effectively, it is possible to prevent negative stuff.
Submitted by nguyenmysam722001 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a logical flow, with clear connections between paragraphs. Use a range of cohesive devices to enhance the readability of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion should clearly state your position and effectively summarize the main points made in the body of the essay.
coherence cohesion
While providing support for your main points, make sure to elaborate more deeply and provide specific details that solidify your arguments.
task achievement
It is vital to address all parts of the question to achieve a higher score in task achievement. Ensure that your response fully covers the prompt and maintains a strong focus throughout the essay.
task achievement
When presenting your ideas, strive for clarity and depth. This means not only stating your position clearly but also exploring the ideas in a comprehensive manner that demonstrates a well-considered argument.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples that directly support your points to provide stronger evidence for your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • minimum legal age
  • road safety
  • cognitive skills
  • decision-making abilities
  • comprehensive driver education
  • unlicensed driving
  • economic implications
  • mobility
  • stricter enforcement
  • traffic laws
  • driver education
  • road accidents
  • mature and responsible
  • illegal driving
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