IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People learn things better from those at their own level—such as fellow students or co-workers—than from those at a higher level, such as teachers or supervisors. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#people #level—such #fellow #students #co-workers—than #level #teachers #supervisors #support
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Since time immemorial, transferring information has had a crucial effect on human beings 'evolution.
Although
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 some claim that people at the same level can be a proper source for learning, many others believe that it would be more beneficial if
one
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 investigated the information from
one
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 with a higher educational level. I tend to agree with the latter approach strongly.
One
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 rationale for approving the mentioned mindset is a wealth of experience that can be offered by teachers. It means that they provide junior learners with reliable knowledge that stems from their experience.
For instance
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, the data
that is
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 acquired from educators can be more reliable in terms of accuracy and scientific resources compared with the data
one
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 attains from another person at the same level.
Thus
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, it would be more helpful if
one
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 used documented information.
Moreover
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, another justification is the instructors' capability of channelling the students.
For example
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, teachers can leave a great impression on
one
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's future professional pursuits or even personal relationships.
Therefore
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, the education system can use them as role models to direct the whole community toward a certain goal.
On the other hand
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, some may argue that learning from people
at
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of
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 the same age can provide a more relaxing environment with less stress leading to creativity, motivation, and innovation. To illustrate, putting children in groups with various levels of ability can pave the way for those with fewer levels of ability to have more discussions conducive to boosting their cognitive skills
such
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 as communication.
However
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, I find myself in disagreement with them as by an appropriate teaching method teachers can provide the condition, as well. In conclusion, it seems rational to accept that the more supervision from the seniors, the more efficiency the juniors may achieve.
Submitted by samirakasraee72 on

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task achievement
While the essay presents clear arguments, it would benefit from more detailed and varied examples to support the main points.
task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are thoroughly explained and connected back to the main argument. This will provide a more complete and coherent response to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The essay could be improved by providing stronger transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help improve the overall flow and readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
The main ideas are well-supported with rationales and examples.
task achievement
The language used is appropriate and sophisticated, adding to the clarity of the arguments presented.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • peer learning
  • comfortable environment
  • open communication
  • collaboration
  • shared experiences
  • relevant examples
  • camaraderie
  • motivation
  • terminology
  • wealth of experience
  • expertise
  • broader perspective
  • structured learning
  • clear objectives
  • monitor progress
  • valuable insights
  • mentorship
  • professional development
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