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Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

According to some people spending a lot of money is a must. Others insist that lavish celebrations are a waste of money and resources. Both views will be discussed in this essay; however, in my opinion, it does not make much sense to spend a lot of money on celebratio

#people #money #celebrations #waste #resources #sense #celebratio
There is a thought considered by some individuals, that spending a lot of
money
 on marriage
obligatory
Add a missing verb
is obligatory
show examples
.Others say that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is a waste of time and
money
.I reckon that it is not mandatory,it depends on
people
.
This
 essay will discuss both views.
To begin
 with,Some
people
 think that marriage parties need to be luxurious.To illustrate
this
, take my country as a clear example.In
Kazakhstan
Add a comma
Kazakhstan,
show examples
people
 take out a loan to do that kind of
parties
Fix the agreement mistake
party
show examples
.
This
 means that
people
 in my country
becomes
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 debtors.
However
,despite
this
,there are new generation that
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not consider it necessary to spend huge amounts of
money
 on a wedding.
Moreover
, some individuals think that a is just a formality and do not attach much importance to it. In a nutshell,after a thorough analysis of the given topic, it is predicted that the advantages that extent caused by celebrations are a waste of
money
 and resources.
Submitted by kassymov_99 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure that your ideas are presented in a logical order throughout the essay. Transition words and phrases should be used more effectively to guide the reader from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of an essay are essential for framing your argument. Your introduction should outline the topics that will be discussed and the conclusion should summarize the main points and state your opinion clearly. Ensure both elements are present and fully developed.
coherence cohesion
While you have attempted to describe your main points, their development is incomplete and requires further explanation and elaboration. Support your arguments with detailed examples and fully explore their implications.
task achievement
Your response must address all parts of the task. In this case, the essay provided an incomplete response to the prompt. Ensure that you fully discuss both views presented in the prompt and clearly articulate your own opinion.
task achievement
Develop your ideas clearly and explain how they are relevant to the task. Use specific and comprehensive ideas that directly relate to the prompt.
task achievement
Examples are critical to illustrating your points and should be specific, relevant, and effectively integrated into your argument. Your essay would benefit from the inclusion of more developed examples to support your viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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