According to some people spending a lot of money is a must. Others insist that lavish celebrations are a waste of money and resources. Both views will be discussed in this essay; however, in my opinion, it does not make much sense to spend a lot of money on celebratio

#people #money #celebrations #waste #resources #sense #celebratio

There is a thought considered by some individuals, that spending a lot of

money

on marriage

obligatory

Add a missing verb

is obligatory

show examples

.Others say that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

it is a waste of time and

money

.I reckon that it is not mandatory,it depends on

people

This

essay will discuss both views.

To begin

with,Some

people

think that marriage parties need to be luxurious.To illustrate

this

, take my country as a clear example.In

Kazakhstan

Add a comma

Kazakhstan,

show examples

people

take out a loan to do that kind of

parties

Fix the agreement mistake

party

show examples

This

means that

people

in my country

becomes

Change the verb form

become

show examples

debtors.

However

,despite

this

,there are new generation that

who

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

do not consider it necessary to spend huge amounts of

money

on a wedding.

Moreover

, some individuals think that a is just a formality and do not attach much importance to it. In a nutshell,after a thorough analysis of the given topic, it is predicted that the advantages that extent caused by celebrations are a waste of

money

and resources.

Submitted by kassymov_99 on Mon Dec 18 2023

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coherence cohesion

Make sure that your ideas are presented in a logical order throughout the essay. Transition words and phrases should be used more effectively to guide the reader from one point to the next.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion of an essay are essential for framing your argument. Your introduction should outline the topics that will be discussed and the conclusion should summarize the main points and state your opinion clearly. Ensure both elements are present and fully developed.

coherence cohesion

While you have attempted to describe your main points, their development is incomplete and requires further explanation and elaboration. Support your arguments with detailed examples and fully explore their implications.

task achievement

Your response must address all parts of the task. In this case, the essay provided an incomplete response to the prompt. Ensure that you fully discuss both views presented in the prompt and clearly articulate your own opinion.

task achievement

Develop your ideas clearly and explain how they are relevant to the task. Use specific and comprehensive ideas that directly relate to the prompt.

task achievement

Examples are critical to illustrating your points and should be specific, relevant, and effectively integrated into your argument. Your essay would benefit from the inclusion of more developed examples to support your viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

149 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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According to some people spending a lot of money is a must. Others insist that lavish celebrations are a waste of money and resources. Both views will be discussed in this essay; however, in my opinion, it does not make much sense to spend a lot of money on celebratio

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that cooking is an important skill for young people to learn. Others believe that it is better for people to learn how to cook after they become adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay at home with the family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passenger. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, instead of locally sourced produce, many supermarkets sell a variety of imported foods from all around the world. Does this advantage outweigh the disadvantage?