The line graph shows the average number of weekly patieents vivsiting four clinics of a hospital form 2010 to 2016.

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patieents vivsiting four clinics of a hospital form 2010 to 2016.
The given line chart illustrates how much of
patients
visit
Wrong verb form
visited
show examples
per week in four different clinics; which are
brith
Correct your spelling
birth
control, eye,
diabetric
Correct your spelling
diabetic
and dental, of a hospital between 2010 and 2016. The units are
measure
Wrong verb form
measured
show examples
in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
of
patients
per year.
Overall
, it can be clearly seen that all the
clinic
Fix the agreement mistake
clinics
show examples
experienced a gradual growth
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
patients appointment
Fix the agreement mistake
patient appointments
show examples
, except for
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
show examples
control
clinic
. In terms of eye
clinic
Fix the agreement mistake
clinics
show examples
,
initialy
Correct your spelling
initially
at approximately 125
patients
in 2010 and
then
slightly
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
until 2012 before soaring between 2012 and 2016, and
reach
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
a peak at 250
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
the end of the period.
Moreover
,
Diaberic
Correct your spelling
Diabetic
clinic
patients
also
increased,
stood
Wrong verb form
standing
show examples
at just above 50 in 2010 and moderately
rose
Wrong verb form
rising
show examples
to about 90 in 2012,
whereas
on
Change preposition
during
show examples
this
period the figure
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
stable until 2014. After that, between 2014 and 2016 the
patients visit
Fix the agreement mistake
number of patient visits
show examples
started to
went
Change the verb
go
show examples
up and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
around 180
patients
. Regarding the other two clinics left, the Birth control
clinic
patients
Change noun form
patients'
patient's
show examples
appointment
Fix the agreement mistake
appointments
show examples
show a
fluctuated
Replace the word
fluctuating
show examples
trend,
begin
Wrong verb form
beginning
show examples
at just under 250 and the biggest number compared
Change preposition
to another
show examples
another clinics
Replace the adjective
another clinic
other clinics
show examples
. In the following year, the figure
encountred
Correct your spelling
encountered
a small
climbed
Replace the word
climb
show examples
at nearly 280 before hitting
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
trough at just below 200.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
the number
back to
Rephrase
apply
show examples
rose again from 2014 to 2016 and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
precisely
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
250.
Lastly
, the Dental
clinic
also
witnessed a similar trend, in 2010 started at exactly 100
patients
then
dropped modestly in 2012 at almost
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half and started to
rose
Wrong verb form
rise
show examples
again until reached 140
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
2016.
Submitted by 2024successielts on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, moreover".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words patients, clinic with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 4 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • line graph
  • average
  • weekly patients
  • clinics
  • hospital
  • trends
  • increases
  • decreases
  • peaks
  • troughs
  • fluctuations
  • comparative analysis
  • time period
  • consistent
  • inconsistent
  • gradual
  • sharp
  • decline
  • rise
  • remained stable
  • notable
  • significant
What to do next:
Look at other essays: