IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that wealth is the best way to judge wether someone is successful. What is your opinion?

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There is no doubt about the fact that wealth plays an important role in our daily lives. Likely, many people measured
success
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 on how much amount of money an individual possessed. In my opinion, I completely disagree with
this
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 statement. In
this
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 essay, I will attempt to elaborate on my thoughts regarding
this
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 matter.
To begin
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 with, the term
success
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 has a variety of meanings
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 each person. Some feel the need to have family, wealth, and power in order to become successful. From my perspective,
success
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 does not mean that we should have countless assets but rather satisfied with what we have earned and achieved our well-being.
For instance
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, my brother works as a doctor somewhere in the countryside where he earns a modest income.
Nevertheless
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, he perceives a profound sense of fulfillment in his existence, as he has, at
last
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, become something that he has been dreaming of his entire life.
On the other hand
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, mental health state is one of the leading factors that we should consider to include. It would be
such
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 a waste of money if we had thousands of dollars but our mental health is unstable.
For example
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, a friend of mine is really rich, he owns luxurious things
such
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 as cars, bags, and houses.
However
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, she undergoes insomnia and anxiety which is caused by her working habits.
This
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 example shows that psychological well-being plays a major role in someone's
success
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. In conclusion, it is wrong to determine a person's level of
success
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 by their material belongings and properties as there are other equally important factors like a balance between work and inner peace.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support that main idea; avoid any off-topic details or inconsistencies.
task achievement
Fully address the question and make your position clear throughout the essay. While some aspects are covered, deeper analysis and expansion of points would strengthen task achievement. Ensure all parts of the task are equally developed.
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