Some people believe that wild animals should not be kept in zoos or other man-made environments as there is no longer a need for them in the 21st century. Do you agree or disagree?
In
this
21st century, zoos
are no
needed because all creatures and Correct your spelling
not
spicies
should live where they Correct your spelling
species
spices
belongs
to Change the verb form
belong
instead
of zoos
. However
, some claim that wils
Correct your spelling
wild
animals
should not be kept in zoos
or the
artificial Correct article usage
apply
cells
because is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
no
needed in the 21st century. I strongly agree with Correct your spelling
not
this
statement because it brings more detrimental effects on wild animals
. This
essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To begin
with, wild animals
should not be kept in zoos
because many wild animals
suffer to adopt
the new geological locations, Verb problem
from
thus
, some rare spicies
might Correct your spelling
species
be death
. Verb problem
die
For example
, white bears live in dry and cold tempreature
in the Arctic Correct your spelling
temperature
temperatures
places
while
it
can swim and Correct pronoun usage
they
bath
in Correct your spelling
bathe
saltwater
, Correct your spelling
salt water
in contrast
, this
kind of creature keep in zoos
while
it may be affected or dead by new
atmosphere with low Correct article usage
a new
tempreature
. Correct your spelling
temperature
Moreover
, all wild animals
should be in their own places
such
as forest
, Fix the agreement mistake
forests
besides
in Correct word choice
apply
zoos
it can forgive
their Verb problem
improve
nature
quality and habitats, Replace the word
natural
consequently
, it will affect the food chain rapidly. Therefore
, wild animals
should not be kept in zoos
in the modern era because it no longer needed.
Furthermore
, wild animals
should not be kept in man-made
environment because Add an article
the man-made
animals
have to be
live in their natural Unnecessary verb
apply
places
where belongs. An artificial
Correct the article-noun agreement
Artificial
cells
are very small as compared to the forest, so, some animals
cannot be comfortable within a low space with low tempreature
and food. Correct your spelling
temperature
temperatures
For instance
, some wild creatures have more spaces
in their mother Fix the agreement mistake
space
places
which is Fix the agreement mistake
place
forest
Correct article usage
the forest
while
it
can do many things like run, walk, sleep, jump and Correct pronoun usage
they
bath
but Correct your spelling
bathe
these
Correct pronoun usage
apply
all
everything cannot fulfil by Correct determiner usage
apply
the
artificial Correct article usage
apply
cells
, as an
consequence, some might be dead. Change the article
a
Hence
, wild animals
should not be kept in the
man-made Correct article usage
apply
cells
and it no
needed in the 21st era.
Verb problem
is not
To conclude
, wild animals
cannot adpot
the new geological Correct your spelling
adopt
adapt
places
with low tempreature
and Correct your spelling
temperature
temperatures
it
cannot live in Correct pronoun usage
they
a small
Correct the article-noun agreement
small cells
a small cell
cells
, thus
, some animals
might be dead by this
kind of captivity, so, it
should not be kept in Correct pronoun usage
they
zoos
and man-made places
in the
modern era. Correct article usage
apply
Then
, I strongly agree with this
statement in the above-mentioned details. I hope this
drive brings more benefits to wild animals
.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure, which is important for the reader to follow your argument. Work on organizing your ideas more effectively, using clear paragraphs and topic sentences.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be clearer and more developed. Specifically, the introduction should clearly state your stance on the issue, and the conclusion should effectively summarize the key points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are present but not well supported. Provide more detailed and concrete examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The response to the task at hand is complete, but the development of ideas is only sufficient. Aim to develop your points fully to meet the requirements of a higher band score.
task achievement
The ideas communicated are somewhat clear, but they could be expressed more comprehensively. Work on clarity of expression and providing more explicit reasoning behind your arguments.
task achievement
While you have attempted to use examples, they need to be more relevant and specific. Use real-life examples or research findings to substantiate your claims and improve the effectiveness of your essay.