Some people believe that wild animals should not be kept in zoos or other man-made environments as there is no longer a need for them in the 21st century. Do you agree or disagree?

In
this
21st century,
zoos
are
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
needed because all creatures and
spicies
Correct your spelling
species
spices
should live where they
belongs
Change the verb form
belong
show examples
to
instead
of
zoos
.
However
, some claim that
wils
Correct your spelling
wild
animals
should not be kept in
zoos
or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artificial
cells
because
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
needed in the 21st century. I strongly agree with
this
statement because it brings more detrimental effects on wild
animals
.
This
essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To begin
with, wild
animals
should not be kept in
zoos
because many wild
animals
suffer
to adopt
Verb problem
from
show examples
the new geological locations,
thus
, some rare
spicies
Correct your spelling
species
might
be death
Verb problem
die
show examples
.
For example
, white bears live in dry and cold
tempreature
Correct your spelling
temperature
temperatures
in the Arctic
places
while
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
can swim and
bath
Correct your spelling
bathe
show examples
in
saltwater
Correct your spelling
salt water
show examples
,
in contrast
,
this
kind of creature keep in
zoos
while
it may be affected or dead by
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
atmosphere with low
tempreature
Correct your spelling
temperature
.
Moreover
, all wild
animals
should be in their own
places
such
as
forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
show examples
,
besides
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in
zoos
it can
forgive
Verb problem
improve
show examples
their
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
quality and habitats,
consequently
, it will affect the food chain rapidly.
Therefore
, wild
animals
should not be kept in
zoos
in the modern era because it no longer needed.
Furthermore
, wild
animals
should not be kept in
man-made
Add an article
the man-made
show examples
environment because
animals
have to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
live in their natural
places
where belongs.
An artificial
Correct the article-noun agreement
Artificial
show examples
cells
are very small as compared to the forest, so, some
animals
cannot be comfortable within a low space with low
tempreature
Correct your spelling
temperature
temperatures
and food.
For instance
, some wild creatures have more
spaces
Fix the agreement mistake
space
show examples
in their mother
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
which is
forest
Correct article usage
the forest
show examples
while
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
can do many things like run, walk, sleep, jump and
bath
Correct your spelling
bathe
show examples
but
these
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
everything cannot fulfil by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artificial
cells
, as
an
Change the article
a
show examples
consequence, some might be dead.
Hence
, wild
animals
should not be kept in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
man-made
cells
and it
no
Verb problem
is not
show examples
needed in the 21st era.
To conclude
, wild
animals
cannot
adpot
Correct your spelling
adopt
adapt
the new geological
places
with low
tempreature
Correct your spelling
temperature
temperatures
and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
cannot live in
a small
Correct the article-noun agreement
small cells
a small cell
show examples
cells
,
thus
, some
animals
might be dead by
this
kind of captivity, so,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
should not be kept in
zoos
and man-made
places
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern era.
Then
, I strongly agree with
this
statement in the above-mentioned details. I hope
this
drive brings more benefits to wild
animals
.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure, which is important for the reader to follow your argument. Work on organizing your ideas more effectively, using clear paragraphs and topic sentences.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be clearer and more developed. Specifically, the introduction should clearly state your stance on the issue, and the conclusion should effectively summarize the key points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are present but not well supported. Provide more detailed and concrete examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The response to the task at hand is complete, but the development of ideas is only sufficient. Aim to develop your points fully to meet the requirements of a higher band score.
task achievement
The ideas communicated are somewhat clear, but they could be expressed more comprehensively. Work on clarity of expression and providing more explicit reasoning behind your arguments.
task achievement
While you have attempted to use examples, they need to be more relevant and specific. Use real-life examples or research findings to substantiate your claims and improve the effectiveness of your essay.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: