IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In recent years, the number of people travelling by air for business and pleasure has increased dramatically. Some people believe that air travel will continue to grow and that it will become easier, faster and cheaper. Others, however, believe that due to environmental pressures, flying is likely to become too expensive for most people. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#years #people #air #business #pleasure #travel #pressures
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Nowadays, there are an enormous number of passengers travelling by
air
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 business trips and journeys, and
according to
Linking Words
 certain
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
researches
Add a comma
researches,
show examples
air
Use synonyms
 traffic has doubled
last
Linking Words
 15 years. Some experts believe that
Use synonyms
air
Correct article usage
the air
show examples
transportation
Use synonyms
 industry continues its
growing
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
,
others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
 contend that travelling by plane will become too costly because of ecological reasons. Personally, I hold the view that
air
Use synonyms
 transport will meet all ecological criteria and
this
Linking Words
 sphere of
transportation
Use synonyms
 and logistics will
be undergone
Wrong verb form
undergo
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
progressive development.
Firstly
Linking Words
, governments around the world are keen on developing local
air
Use synonyms
 traffic. That leads to fast, cheap and easy
flights
Use synonyms
 for consumers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, for local and short
flights
Use synonyms
 there is no need
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 gigantic planes, which require a huge amount of fossil fuel.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
air
Add an article
the air
show examples
transportation
Use synonyms
 industry will create small boards with electric engines. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
published reports, by 2035 a large proportion of
air
Use synonyms
 traffic will be provided by electric or hybrid planes.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are plans
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 transition from fossil fuel use to using biofuel created from agricultural plants.
In addition
Linking Words
,
British-American
Correct article usage
the British-American
show examples
 company “ZeroAvia”
creates
Wrong verb form
created
show examples
plane
Fix the agreement mistake
planes
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 with hydrogen
engine
Fix the agreement mistake
engines
show examples
. In January
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 2023 there was its first
10-minutes
Correct your spelling
10-minute
 successful flight. That all are going to decrease the amount of producing during the
Use synonyms
flights
Change to a genitive case
flight's
flights'
show examples
 greenhouse gases
such
Linking Words
 as carbon dioxide.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
air
Use synonyms
 transport generated 895 million tonnes of carbon dioxide in 2018. All projects mentioned above need substantial financial resources. New engines and planes will be constructed from highly-valued materials that, thereby, can entail
considerable
Correct article usage
a considerable
show examples
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
air
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
flights
Change the noun form
flight
show examples
 prices.
This
Linking Words
 quandary demands significant intellectual efforts to solve. In conclusion, despite on existing dilemmas standing in front of
Use synonyms
air
Correct article usage
the air
show examples
transportation
Use synonyms
industry
Add a comma
industry,
show examples
 I believe that
air
Use synonyms
flights
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the best way to move fast, easily,
with
Correct word choice
and with
show examples
 comfort and all uphill tasks needed to tackle will be coped.
Submitted by ronadeclaro on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve Logical Structure, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is expanded upon coherently, with sentences that logically flow from one to the next without leaps in reasoning or abrupt transitions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduction and Conclusion should clearly present the topic and your position, as well as summarise the main points and restate your opinion without repetition. The introduction is somewhat underdeveloped, and the conclusion could better encapsulate the essay's arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Support Main Points with more detailed explanations, statistics, or real-world examples to make arguments more compelling. Include varying sentence structures and link ideas within and across paragraphs for greater clarity.
Task Achievement
Ensure that the Complete Response addresses all parts of the prompt fully. You may need to expand on certain areas to ensure equal coverage of the viewpoints presented and elaborate on your own opinion.
Task Achievement
Work on Clear Comprehensive Ideas by further developing complex thoughts and fully unpacking the implications and counterarguments to your points. Ideas are present but require more in-depth exploration to achieve a higher band score.
Task Achievement
Include more Relevant Specific Examples in your argument. Examples should be directly related to the points you are making and should work to substantiate your claims.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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